Cooties
by baka deshi
Summary: [Complete] Another Puppies fic! A young Sess and an even younger Inu fight the Battle of the Sexes. Last chapter up! Well, the boys have dug themselves in really deep THIS time. Will they ultimately triumph, or will the girls get the better of them?
1. Cooties!

Author's notes:   
Just a quick one to dedicate this chapter to an excellent writer, dark kitsune. If anyone is looking for a great fic with a flare for wonderful fantasy/description, check out her "Dark Prophecy". Also, look into Thunk's "Venganza". I don't plug fics often, but I can't help it on these two...they're just too excellent.   
  


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"Sesshoumaru!!!" 

Inuyasha couldn't find his big brother anywhere, although he'd been searching for at least ten minutes. In puppy time, though, that was practically forever, and the hanyou was starting to get frantic. 

"Sesshoumaru?" he called again, turning into the west wing. All the blinds were closed, making it a bit hard to see even though the sun was still high in the sky. Warm wind whispered underneath the door cracks though, tickling the puppy's nose and obscuring the more immediate smells of the hallway. 

Then, suddenly, he found it. His brother's scent, definitely fresh…and leading straight to their study room door. 

"Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha called, scratching at the door frame. His tiny ears could pick up the faint sounds of breathing behind the screen, and the slight rustle of silk, but no one responded to his cries. 

"C'mon, big bro! Open up!" Inuyasha grumbled, tugging at the sliding door. As he expected, it was jammed shut again—his brother did that a lot lately—and he gave it a hard kick. The door lurched violently forward in its tracks, and the wood block stuck between the frames fell to the floor with a loud thump. 

"What do you want?" Sesshoumaru snapped, glowering as his brother entered. "I was takin' a nap!" Interestingly enough, his "nap" seemed to involve sleeping on top of his protocol homework again. Inuyasha could almost read the last few lines of his brother's homework from the ink smudges on his cheek. 

"You shouldn't wake people up!" Sesshoumaru continued, annoyed. 

"But they were picking on me again!" the little hanyou sniffled. 

"Who was?" 

"Them!" Inuyasha glared, placing his hands on his hips. "Oh, look, it's the _puppy!_ Why don't you go play fetch?" he mimicked, twisting his body around in an exaggerated imitation of the palace girls walking in their restrictive dresses. 

"Oh, _them_ again…" Sesshoumaru yawned, revealing two wicked, pointy fangs. Inuyasha couldn't help but be impressed…he couldn't wait 'til he got his adult teeth too. 

"What are you looking at?" his older brother snapped, and Inuyasha shook himself back to reality. He _had_ to ask, he just had to! If anybody knew what to do about girls it would be Sesshoumaru. Inuyasha knew his brother could do anything...after all, he was _ten._ And Sesshoumaru knew it too! Just like all those times they played Cats and Dog Demons… 

_"Why do I always gotta be the cat?"_

_"Cauz **I'm** ten and** you're** seven, that's why."_

And at lunch time: 

_"Why do YOU get the biggest rice ball?"_

_"Cauz little brothers get LITTLE things!"_

And when Sesshoumaru stayed up late: 

_"Why can't I howl at the moon too?"_

_"'Cauz I'm the big brother and I'm priva-maleged!"_

Yup, Inuyasha decided, no better person than his big brother to take care of those lousy girls. _He_ was priva-maleged to do all kinds of stuff. 

"You gotta help me!" the hanyou quavered, chewing on his sleeve. 

"Why should I care?" Sesshoumaru sniffed. "Not my problem you can't take care of yourself." 

"But I already tried all that other stuff you told me!" the puppy protested. 

"And?" 

"And Dad yelled at me." the puppy scowled. "You ain't supposta to bite people in the house, blah blah blah…" 

"Oh, _fine_ then." his older brother sighed, jumping to his feet. "So that didn't work out. Well, what did they do this time?" 

"They…" Inuyasha gulped and wondered if he could really go through with it. Sure, Sesshoumaru could help him out…but the hanyou wasn't really sure he wanted to tell him what had happened. It was so embarrassing… 

"Well?" Sesshoumaru tapped his foot impatiently, looking eerily like their father. 

"They was makin' fun of me again, right? Calling me a baby and stuff." Inuyasha began. "And then Yasuka…y'know, the pink-haired one…" Sesshoumaru nodded. "She was all like 'oh, but you would make a good pet!' and then she…" Inuyasha winced, remembering. "She touched my ears!" The hanyou flung his arms up defensively, as if to fend off invisible ear-molesters. "And she called me _cute_!" He whimpered at the injustice of it all. 

"They touched you? Really?" Sesshoumaru's nose wrinkled, and his eyes widened in surprise. "Ewwww…you got cooties all over you!!" 

"Cooties?" Inuyasha parroted, turning in a circle. He didn't _look_ any different. "You're making that up!" the hanyou accused. 

"Am not!" his brother pouted. "You just can't see 'em 'cause you got wimpy _hanyou_ eyes!" His golden, full-demon eyes narrowed and the puppy gave his brother the good once-over. "Oh, _gross_! They're crawling all over you!" 

"Eek!" the hanyou squealed and shot backwards, beating at his clothing. "Get 'em off!" 

"Can't!" Sesshoumaru retorted, keeping his distance. "They spread if you touch somebody!" 

"Then_ you_ take 'em!" Inuyasha growled, jumping at his sibling. 

"Hah!" Sesshoumaru sneered as he easily ducked. "Stupid hanyou!" 

Inuyasha wheeled and scratched, but his tiny claws only hit the air where his brother had been. Before he could pull back to defend himself, Sesshoumaru had already jumped on his back and bit into his shoulder. 

"Owww leggo!" the puppy squealed, thrashing blindly. A chance flail brought his right arm in range, and he dug his tiny claws into his brother's side. 

Howling in pain, Sesshoumaru jumped off his sibling's back and rolled into a defensive position, knocking a vase over. "Hah! I bit ya!" 

"Oh yeah? YOU'RE the one who just got the cooties!" 

"Wha—" Sesshoumaru blinked, turning slightly green. "Ew!" He pawed at his mouth. "Nasty!" Suddenly, the full demon stopped and grinned. "At least I don't have _girl_ cooties." 

"But I just gave 'em to you!" 

"No you didn't…these are just hanyou cooties! You still got the _girl_ cooties!" 

"No way!" 

Brothers launched at each other again, colliding midair in a scratching fight. 

"You got 'em!" 

"Gave 'em back!" 

"YOU got 'em!" 

"GAVE 'EM BACK!" 

"He-hey wait! No powers, no powers!" Inuyasha cried as his brother summoned a cloud of demonic energy to levitate on. 

"Come and get me!" Sesshoumaru taunted, lifting a few feet higher. 

"Oh yeah?" Inuyasha growled and jumped--missing his brother entirely. 

"Hah!" his full demon brother giggled. "Stupid hanyou—hey!" 

Instead of falling to the ground as Sesshoumaru had expected, Inuyasha had sunk his claws into the door screen, hanging on like a spider. "Take THIS!" he chortled, launching himself at his airborne brother. 

"Hey, get off!" Sesshoumaru squealed as his brother's arms circled his neck. The levitation cloud trembled violently and began dissolving with its owner's concentration. "No fair—" 

Inuyasha only squeezed harder. "Say 'uncle'!" 

"No way!" 

"Say 'Inuyasha is the greatest warrior ever'!" 

"You gotta…be kidding…me--!" 

Gasping for air, Sesshoumaru saw his chance—and flew straight backward at the compound's inner wall. 

Inuyasha's head hit the wood hard and all the air rushed out of his lungs. "Oof—" An instant later, Sesshoumaru's demon-cloud finally blinked out of existence, sending both brothers crashing down square onto Inuyasha's writing desk. The old wood gave with a loud snap, and the puppies tumbled head first onto the floor. 

"Ow!" Sesshoumaru growled, rolling off a stray splintered board. 

"WHAT on earth is all that racket?!" 

"Uh-oh…" the brother breathed as one. 

Sesshoumaru's mother burst into the room, wearing nothing but her sleeping robes. Her eyes were quite bleary though, and her normally well-groomed hair was in disarray—all the hallmarks of a woman suddenly woken from a very peaceful nap. Golden eyes lit upon the wreck of the play room, and instantly turned bright, flame-red. Both puppies whimpered. 

"He did it!" both brothers offered in unison, pointing at each other. 

"WHAT have I told you two?" 

Mother's tongue became strangely forked, and her face was looking decidedly furry. 

"No---Fighting---In---the---HOUSE!" 

"Oh, _shit_…" Sesshoumaru moaned. 

"And WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE, YOUNG MAN~~~" 

A few minutes later, both puppies were forcefully ejected from the main compound. 

"And don't come back until you can BEHAVE YOURSELVES!". The screen door slid shut with a bang. 

"Stupid girls…" Inuyasha mumbled, and Sesshoumaru was inclined to agree. "And now we BOTH have cooties." the hanyou sighed. 

"Don't worry!" Sesshoumaru grinned, golden eyes sparkling mischeviously. "I got a plan…"   
  


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So what's Sesshoumaru's plan? Find out next time, but first remember to REVIEW! 


	2. The Master at work

More fluff! Sorry this is so short – to be honest, this is just a break from Half-light, which can get exceedingly difficult to write when one is already depressed. I'll get more of that out soon, but for now—have some more puppies!  
  


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"Are you sure this is gonna work?" Inuyasha asked dubiously. 

"Of course it is!" Sesshoumaru replied absently, watching their prey with a practiced eye. "Would I ever lie to you? Don't answer that." he commanded, cutting his brother off mid-sentence. 

"But won't they smell you?" Inuyasha finally queried. 

"Maybe." Sesshoumaru admitted. "But it won't matter. Look, Inuyasha…" he motioned, parting the prickly thorn bush in front of them. "Are they not weak? Are they not easy prey? We shall strike fear into their topknots and cut off their souls…er…fear into their souls and…" 

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. There went the bad battle epics again. Sesshoumaru needed to pay more attention in history class or just stop quoting from it. But regardless, there was still the matter of their enemies…enemies so tantalizingly close that he couldn't help but sink his small claws into the ground. 

There were five of them, all out for an afternoon stroll near their apartments. Yasuka, the little pink haired demon, couldn't be much older than Sesshoumaru, but the other four were definitely Big Kids in Inuyasha's eyes. Their hair was long and tied back, looped into intricate, oiled updos, and they wore large, sweeping court dresses. Almost adults even. Inuyasha swallowed hard. Yasuka was one thing, but when you considered the rest of them were Big People…maybe this wasn't such a great idea. 

Suddenly, the purple-haired teenager—Michiru, he thought her name was—turned her head and gazed _hard_ at the bushes in front of her. Both puppies squeaked and dove lower, burrowing into the dirt. After a few gut-wrenching seconds, the tall girl turned her gaze away and moved on. 

"I dunno about this…" Inuyasha mused, pulling a leaf out of his hair. 

"C'mon!" Sesshoumaru whined, nudging his brother eagerly. He was fired up already, Inuyasha could tell, and the full demon wasn't about to give up so easily. "Weren't they mean to you?" 

"Yeah…I guess…" 

"Didn't they make fun of you?" Sesshoumaru persisted. 

"But you make fun of me too…" Inuyasha noted. 

"Didn't they give you the cooties?" 

"Yeah!" Inuyasha exclaimed, suddenly remembering his deadly affliction. 

"And? What are you gonna do about it?" 

"Get 'em back!" Inuyasha yipped excitedly. Sesshoumaru quickly smashed his face into the ground. 

"Not so loud! You'll blow our cover!" his brother hissed. 

"Oh yeah..." Inuyasha groaned. Dirt really did taste awful. "So what do I do again?" 

"Stupid hanyou!" Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes. "Since you're too incompetenent—er—impotent--er—incontinent—er, since you can't do anything by yourself, YOU go out there and get them to pick on you, and I'LL come save you." 

"And how is that supposed to work, girly boy? They'll think you're a chick too!" Inuyasha sneered. Sesshoumaru bonked him on the head. 

"For your information, I happen to be a real demon, not some stupid hanyou! I'll transform on 'em!" Sesshoumaru sniffed haughtily. "You just sit back and watch The Master at work—I'll scare 'em so bad they won't come near you for a thousand years!" 

"Ooh!" Inuyasha squealed happily. He loved watching his big brother transform. He couldn't wait til he got to be a big kid—maybe he would get big enough to have a demon form too. 

"Got it?" Sesshoumaru asked. Inuyasha nodded, oblivious. He was still imagining himself as a powerful dog demon, dashing across the Western lands and killing ogres with one paw tied behind his back. 

"Great! Now, GO!" Sesshoumaru urged, shoving his brother out into the harsh daylight. 

"No! Hey wait! I'm not ready!" Inuyasha yipped. The idle chattering fell off almost immediately, and Inuyasha found himself surrounded by very inquisitive—and very female—eyes. 

"Just get on with it!" Sesshoumaru snapped. "I'm gonna hide." The bushes rattled, and Sesshoumaru crawled away toward the southwestern corner of the Ladies' House. 

"Hey! You girls over there!" Inuyasha barked in what he hoped was a bold and daring voice. The effect was somewhat dampened by his disheveled appearance; the dirt plastered across his forehead made him look more like a mole than a dog prince. 

Finally, one of the girls broke the standoff, sauntering forward mischievously. "Oh, whatever could this be?" Michiru wondered mockingly. "Could it be…a cute widdle puppy? Do you want to play fetch with me, sweet pup?" 

"'mnotapuppy" Inuyasha mumbled unintelligibly, staring at the ground. 

"Louder!" his brother hissed from somewhere behind him. 

"IsaidI'mnotapuppy!" Inuyasha grumbled quickly, glaring at his opponent. Michiru giggled. Behind her, little Yasuka snuck a peek at the young hanyou. 

"Oh you aren't? Then why ever do you have these floppy little ears? Looks like a puppy to _me_!" Michiru teased. 

"You better go away, or m-my big brother's gonna GET you." Inuyasha growled. He still wasn't entirely sure what you did when you GOT someone, but if anyone could do it his big brother could. 

"Oh really?" Michiru smirked. Somehow, Inuyasha didn't like that smile. "Well, where is he then, if he's gonna do that?" 

That was all the cue Sesshoumaru needed. The girls squealed in surprise as an icy wind of demonic energy rushed past them, sweeping around the corner. Inuyasha was particularly pleased to see Yasuka, that foul ear-molester, diving for cover. 

The shadows shifted crazily, and a gigantic whiteness surged around the corner, leaving the girls little time to run. Sesshoumaru's flaming eyes towered above all of them, a purebred demon at his most menacing. He was easily twice Inuyasha's height at the shoulder, and the hanyou was impressed to see his brother's new grown-up fangs – they looked just like dad's. Said fangs were nearly as long as his forearm and dripping with a particularly wicked-looking acid. If his big brother wasn't careful, he could melt somebody's toes off. 

_So that's what happened to the old protocol teacher. _Inuyasha realized with a grin. He'd never cared much for the bitc—mean person, he automatically censored himself. There _were_ girls around, after all. 

…girls who were supposed to be his enemies! He realized with a panic, shaking himself out of his hero worship. Thankfully, his quarry hadn't escaped while he was daydreaming. Instead, they were staring blankly up at the bristling dog demon. And the purple-haired one even had the gall to look…bored? _How insulting!_ the hanyou sniffed. Well, they couldn't back out now… 

"I, er…SIC 'EM, Sesshoumaru!!!!" the hanyou cried, jumping to one side. He wasn't sure what 'sicking' someone did either, but he sure hoped Yasuka would get the chicken pops from it. His big brother stepped forward slowly, curling his lips back into his patented Badass Big Dog Snarl. Inuyasha winced and tried not to laugh. He still thought his brother's signature snarl looked more like a bad case of indigestion, but that could be scary too, right? Maybe the girls would think he was just having trouble digesting his last enemy… 

Massive jaws split wider, and Sesshoumaru added a growl to the mix. That was pretty cool, Inuyasha had to admit—just a low, steady rumble, but it carried the note of a thousand beat downs with it. 

The girls continued staring, entirely unimpressed. 

"Psst! Hey, 'Master' - why aren't they 'running in terror'?!" Inuyasha hissed. Sesshoumaru spat a quick burst of acid in response. "Hey! Watch what yer doing!" the hanyou squealed. 

Sesshoumaru hunkered lower on his haunches, bringing his wedge-shaped head down to his opponents' level. Blazing eyes met calm, feminine gazes, and the dog demon amplified his growl tenfold. 

The girls exchanged brief, guarded looks before falling on him. 

"Oh, how _darling_!" 

"Is this the Lord's son?" 

"He's just so adorable!" 

"The hell?!" Inuyasha echoed Sesshoumaru's sentiments as the ladies swarmed toward the full demon, reaching out to touch his fur. Taken completely by surprise, the purebred dog whined and backed away—and that was all the time the women needed. 

"Come here, you sweet little thing!" 

Inuyasha watched for a few horrified seconds before the carnage became too painful to watch. He scrunched his eyes shut and covered his floppy ears as best as he could. Even so, some of the telltale noises squeaked past his defenses. 

When he did venture to look up, the hanyou was shocked to see his older brother covered in women—girls playing with his tail, stroking his fur, and even _hugging_ his neck. Sesshoumaru looked entirely mortified, shifting around as well as the weights around his forequarters would allow. They were _petting_ him… 

"Oh, _gross_…" Inuyasha thought he was going to throw up. And then…the hanyou's eyes widened in horror as his pink-haired nemesis crawled steadily up his brother's neck. 

"C'mon, not the ears…" the watching hanyou prayed fervently, but Yasuka reached for them anyways, finding the dog's left ear flap. Her tiny claws found that one special spot and scratched hesitantly. 

Sesshoumaru instantly melted, leaning into her hand as she petted him. _Like a common **cat**!_ Inuyasha tsked. It was his brother's one true weakness, that damn behind-the-ears scratch…what a low trick. _Stupid girl! Not even big bro is that dishonorable! That's almost as bad as a kick to the you-know-whats…_ the puppy shuddered. 

Sesshoumaru tried again to shake them off, but the girls had smelled opportunity. "Aw, that's so CUTE!" they squealed, diving for his other ear. The bewildered youkai attempted to snap at them, but the combined weight of their persons and the tingly sensations from his ears overruled his better senses. To his abject horror, the dog demon found himself _lowering_ his head, and all four of the remaining girls lit upon his ear at once. 

So much scritching…tiny claws dancing over his most sensitive, ticklish spots…He couldn't help it. His curly tail twitched, and started to wag. 

"Oh no…" Inuyasha groaned. It was all over now…his brother was lost. The girls giggled, chattering excitedly as they convinced the treasonous tail to thump in time to their scratching. Sesshoumaru whined earnestly, but his eyes slid shut instead—no valiant counter-attack coming in the near future. 

Inuyasha groaned and contemplated what to do next. There were too many of 'em, and his brother was already down for the count. He could bite one of the girls (but then he'd get more COOTIES) or he could just run (and then Sesshoumaru would kill him). What could he--oh no! The hanyou watched in horror as his brother trembled and slid toward the ground. Was he…_rolling over_?! 

However, despite the hanyou's fears, it seemed Sesshoumaru had a different plan. Instead of flipping on his back and surrendering his sensitive stomach to the persistent enemy, he opted out of the entire situation. Cold, demon-chilled energy spiraled inward, and Sesshoumaru shrunk back into his human form. 

"Awww…" the ladies sighed, releasing the much smaller puppy from their death grip. Yasuka was the last to let go, still cupping a now-pointy ear in her tiny hand. 

"Do you mind?" Sesshoumaru asked bluntly, and Inuyasha could tell his brother was absolutely _seething. If she doesn't get offa him quick, he's gonna take her head off!_ the puppy thought gleefully. Although dad probably wouldn't be too happy about that…Inuyasha winced. Maybe he should try to separate them, he didn't want to sleep outside again. Especially not for the next several weeks. 

"I, um, uh…bye!" Yasuka stuttered, leaping off the fallen prince. She blushed nervously, turning her cheeks pink enough to match her hair, and quickly disappeared into the ladies' quarters. The other women were slower to exit, taking their time to laugh about the whole affair. 

"Bye, my puppy prince…" Michiru snickered, patting Sesshoumaru on the head. He lunged at her ankles, but she side-stepped him nimbly and floated into her chambers. "Come play with us some other time." 

In a few minutes, they were gone…back into that untouchable land of incense and curtains. Women's quarters, where no puppy had set foot before. 

"Nice going, moron!" Inuyasha barked, flopping down next to his brother. "They went back inside!" 

"Aw, shaddup!" Sesshoumaru slurred, looking half-dazed. " 'S not my fault they knew about the…" his eyes became glazy. "…ear thing…" 

"Snap out of it, big bro!" Inuyasha slapped his sibling, straight across the face. "Pull yourself together!" 

"Why you--!" 

Conversation dropped for a few minutes while they attempted to sort out exactly "who needs to get straightened out, you little booger!" Eventually, the scuffling came to a sort of uneasy truce, as the two puppies realized a) they both had cooties now and couldn't transfer them back and forth anymore and b) the real enemy had escaped scot-free, and there wasn't a blasted thing they could do about it. 

"I dun geb it." Inuyasha sighed, holding his bloody nose. "Why weren' dey scared ob you?" 

"'Cauz they're girls…" Sesshoumaru volunteered, talking slowly to avoid aggravating his bleeding lip. "Their brains must be broken or something." 

"Yeah, dey must be too stupid!" Inuyasha agreed. "Dey should know better dan ta touch your fur." 

A growl from his brother's direction. 

"And da way dey skritched your ears…" 

A louder growl. 

"And den Yasuka—" Inuyasha stopped short, noticing his sibling's change in posture. He was kneeling now, staring intently at the women's compound's door. He knew that cold look in his big brother's eyes. 

This meant _war. _   
  


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Uh-oh! So the puppies are going to war, are they? They'd better bring lots of ammunition… ^_~   
  
Remember: 'Tis the season to review! 


	3. Battle Plans

A/N: Yes, I know Japanese pillows don't have feathers in them. Bear with me – this is pretty ridiculous stuff as it is ^_~ 

**Shameless plug:** If you want to know more about the status of this (or any other story) check my live journal at http://www.livejournal.com/~baka_deshi That will always have the most current info about chapter release dates ^_^ 

Response to reviews at the end of the chapter.  
  


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"This sucks." Inuyasha complained, tossing another clod of soil out of the hole. 

"Quit whining and help me!" Sesshoumaru panted, wrestling with another long, wooden plank. Inuyasha peered up at his big brother in concern, watching his halting approach. He was hanging onto a board at least twice his height and walking it back and forth, trying desperately to keep it upright. 

"I'm gonna…lay it down now!" the full demon announced, peering over the edge of the hole. "Try to catch it if you can!" he urged. The board groaned, and swung slowly downward, meeting Inuyasha's outstretched hands. 

"Shit!" Sesshoumaru yelped as a nasty splinter pierced his hand. Inuyasha jumped, startled by the sound…and the wooden slat slipped out of his grasp. It quivered wildly for a brief moment before tipping over into the pit. It lay there patiently, one end swallowed by the earth and the other pointing up at an angle. 

Sesshoumaru's round face appeared over the edge of the hole, eclipsing the sunny sky. "Now look what you did!" the full demon snapped, scowling at his brother. Inuyasha threw a clump of dirt at him. 

"I didn't do nothing!" he retorted, sinking his claws back into the ground for another chunk of ammo. "You scared me!" 

"Whatever! Here, push that end up!" Sesshoumaru called down. Inuyasha complied, lifting the rickety old slat as high as he could. Sesshoumaru's clawed hand closed around his end, pulling as hard as he could. 

"I got it…" the older boy grunted unconvincingly. Inuyasha's legs shook under the burden. 

"Hurry up!" the hanyou ground out, trying like hell not to drop the stupid thing on his head. 

"Just a little more…" his brother huffed, leaning over to get a better grip… 

"Ow!" Inuyasha yipped as his little legs finally gave way. The whole beam sunk downwards, pulling his big brother with it. 

A thin pillar of dust shot into the air, startling a few songbirds. 

"You ok?" Sesshoumaru groaned. 

"No…" 

"Me neither." 

The board thrashed wildly as two puppies attempted to extract themselves out from under it, peppering the air with a thick cloud of dust and an even thicker cloud of insults. Finally, both of them collapsed panting on the floor, starting up at the sky. 

"Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha called querulously. 

"What?" the demon snapped angrily. 

"I don't think this is gonna work." 

"Well, dammit, what else are we supposta do?" Sesshoumaru barked. "We've tried everything!" 

And they had. Girl traps, girl poison, girl cages…and even this moat. But somehow, the girls just failed to appear. You'd think a few of the damn things would get curious and come see what all the commotion was...Inuyasha just didn't understand it. They'd even put up big Keep Out! signs around the perimeter of the forest, specifically telling the girls not to come in—so where were they?! The hanyou sighed and willed himself to move. Girls just didn't make any sense. 

"They're not coming, are they?" Inuyasha asked, sitting up painfully. His healing powers were already hard at work repairing a few broken ribs. 

"No." his brother replied bluntly, cracking his neck. The scratches were already disappearing from his forehead, fading as if they had barely existed in the first place. However, his normally silver hair was dull gray, covered in soil. Inuyasha sighed. They were both going to need B-A-T-H-S…whether Sesshoumaru liked it or not. 

Both puppies sighed and worked on scrambling out of the dog-made hole, digging their tiny claws into the soft earthen wall. Sesshoumaru reached the top first and scrutinized their set up. 

_Treehouse? Check. _he noted, looking up at the strange collection of boards, blankets, and pillows threaded throughout the branches of the old oak tree. _Moat? Unfortunately._ He thought, scowling at the rough pit surrounding their fortress. _Drawbridge…in progress._ he decided quickly, staring at the splintered board at the bottom of their moat. _Traps and stuff? All over the woods! _he grinned happily. _And we definitely got the Keep Out! signs!_ he thought. One of them was still drying, leaning against a tree. It read something like:   
  
"Keep Owt! No giRlz AlOud   
SigNed -   
-SesShouMaru's club [crossed out]  
-inuYasha's Klub [crossed out]  
-SeSShomaru'[crossed out] iS a big eediyot! inuyasha  
-Is a Big idiot who can't spelll idiot! This is  
-the FlufFy sux klub [lots of paint splashes and a few drops of blood]  
-the Boy's Klub  


"We're still missing something…" Sesshoumaru contemplated slowly, surveying their territory. "Did we get a tiger pit out there?" 

"Yeah, yeah." Inuyasha rolled his eyes and pointed toward a suspicious mound of dirt. "We digged it over there! But I didn't find a tiger yet!" 

"Don't worry about it." his brother said. "What about the tar n' feathers?" 

"You said we do that after we find 'em trying to break in!" Inuyasha yapped. "We didn't catch nobody yet!" 

"Well, it can't hurt to get ready…" 

Inuyasha sighed and tore open another pillow with his teeth. The whole thing was getting very frustrating, and his momma was gonna be mad at him—they were already running low on pillows from the servant's quarters, and pretty soon he'd have to start stealing good ones from the house. Besides, so far the Boy's Club wasn't very much fun…they only had two boys, and he wasn't sure that Sesshoumaru even counted. And there weren't even any girls to pick on – what fun was a secret club that nobody wanted to be in? 

"Maybe we should try something else…" he suggested, earning an extra special death glare from his half-brother. 

"Like what?" Sesshoumaru snapped. 

"We could go an' find 'em!" 

"No way!" Sesshoumaru snarled. "Er, I mean…I don't think that's wise, statego-gically speaking." he attempted lamely. 

Suddenly, Inuyasha was suspicious. "_You're_ just ascared they're gonna scritch your ears again! Aren't you!" 

"No!" his brother snapped, but something curiously like a blush scrawled across his face. 

"You are!" the hanyou shrieked in amusement. "Aw, poor widdle puppy! Would you like me to pet you?" he mocked. "Ow! Hey! Dad said no biting!" 

"That was in the house! We're not in the house anymore!" Sesshoumaru huffed, wiping his mouth. "Anyways, I dunno." 

"Fraidy cat." Inuyasha taunted. 

"Take that back!" 

"Make me!" Sesshoumaru did. 

"…you didn't have to hit so hard." Inuyasha sulked, nursing his gash. 

"Sorry." Sesshoumaru replied, in a tone that Inuyasha knew meant his brother wasn't really sorry at all. "What was your idea again?" he asked. The hanyou blinked, rather confused. Sesshoumaru asking for suggestions? _He musta hit his head harder than I thought._

"You ok?" he asked in concern. 

"I _said_…" his brother barked testily. "What was your idea?" 

"Well…" Inuyasha thought hard. "I guess we could always go an' make the first move!" 

"What? And just give up the fortress?!" Sesshoumaru huffed. Inuyasha gave the 'fortress' a wary look. One of the branches creaked under the weight of the old table they had hauled up there. Sesshoumaru thought it made a great 'war room desk', but so far the only war negotiations they had held were about the Afternoon Snack Divisions. 

"Well, at least that isn't BORING!" Inuyasha groused. "This club sucks." 

"Hrn." Sesshoumaru grunted, ignoring his brother's previous comment. He plopped down on a stray pillow, absently brushing a chunk of mud out of his silky hair. "Well…" he began. "You know what dad always says…" 

"Stop that Yelling Before I Give You Something to Yell About?" Inuyasha supplied hopefully. 

"No! I mean the thing about 'In a Bad Situation, Always Get in the First Shot (Or If You Can Kick them in the Privates, Do It and Run Like Hell)'." Sesshoumaru rubbed his face against his sleeve, trying unsuccessfully to wipe the dirt off. He only succeeded in spreading it around, eclipsing the blue moon on his forehead. "We have a fortress to come back to...so we can retreat to our stronghold where all shall break like the rocks upon the waves—" 

"Waves upon the rocks," Inuyasha automatically corrected. Sesshoumaru never got that one right. 

"Whatever." The dog demon dismissed the correction with a flippant hand wave. "Hey, I know!" 

Inuyasha had a nasty feeling he knew what coming next. 

"Yes…we'll attack first to draw their fire and quickly retreat into our forest, where they shall break their teeth upon rocks!" 

"I told you that already!" the hanyou sputtered indignantly. "That was my idea!" Sesshoumaru didn't listen, as usual. 

"C'mon!" the full demon urged, grinning mischievously. "We're gonna go pay those women a _visit_." His eyes glittered strangely. 

Inuyasha sighed. At times like these, it was best just to go along with it all and ask questions later. Preferably from a safe distance.   
  


* * *

A short while later, both puppies were back in front of that infernal Door, crouched low on the porch steps. Their quarry was just beyond that mythical barrier, moving about like shadows—elegant, long winged butterflies silhouetted against the screen door, flitting back and forth transmitting gossip, making clothing, and…doing whatever else it was that girls do all day. Hidden deep in the Women's Quarter, where no male puppy dared enter. Occasionally, one would pause for a moment and peer out through the blinds for a second, as if searching for potential ears to molest. 

_Stupid women!_ Sesshoumaru grumbled, watching their movements intently. _They picked the wrong demon to cross!_ His golden eyes narrowed. 

Revenge would be quick and satisfying. 

"You ready?" he whispered. 

"I-I think so, but—" Inuyasha replied, struggling to hang onto everything he was carrying. 

"All right! Showtime!" the full demon cackled, standing up as straight as he could muster. Inuyasha followed suit, dropping a few flower petals on the ground. Sesshoumaru straightened his top and ran a careful hand through his hair, smoothing out a few rat's nests. 

"Come out, Yasuka!" Sesshoumaru called politely. 

"We got a present for ya!" Inuyasha added happily. 

The rush of activity behind the screen halted instantly, and the puppies' sensitive ears could pick up the faint sounds of conversation (and a fair amount of laughter). Sesshoumaru leaned forward, eyes glued to the screen. Slowly, the Door shuddered and slid aside to reveal an all too familiar pink-haired female. 

"Y-yessir?" Yasuka quivered, approaching timidly. "What does my lord wish of me?" she inquired formally. 

"Here you go!" Sesshoumaru gave her his most winning smile and stepped aside. That was Inuyasha's cue…the little puppy reached up and gave her his most innocent, adorable look and thrust a large bunch of petunias into her dainty hand. The pink-haired demon's eyes widened, and her face instantly drained of color. 

_Score!_ If he had a tail in his human form, Sesshoumaru would be wagging like there was no tomorrow. And the fallout would be on Inuyasha, if things went really sour…he just loved these setups. 

However, contrary to expectation, Yasuka's fingers only wrapped tighter around her prize. "T-thankyoumylord." she mumbled quickly. Her pink eyes quivered, and she pressed the bouquet to her nose. "They're beautiful." 

"Huh?!" the demon prince gaped. He swiveled around to face his younger brother. 

"Inuyasha…" Sesshoumaru hissed. "At-whay appened-hay to the ake-snay?" 

"Snake?" Inuyasha blinked. "Oh no! I musta dropped it…" He immediately dropped to all fours to look for it. 

"You IDIOT!" Sesshoumaru snarled, lifting his sibling up by the collar. Inuyasha squealed and scratched at his brother's face, trying desperately to get away. The full demon turned his head just in time…to see Yasuka scurrying up the veranda stairs, waving her flowers in one hand. She looked absolutely ecstatic. "Look what you made me do!!!" Sesshoumaru howled, dropping his brother. 

"But I—" Inuyasha protested. 

"Look, Michiru!" Yasuka yelled excitedly, leaning through the doorway. "The prince gave me a present!!" She gestured toward him with the petunias, and giggled in a very strange sort of way. A few soft murmurs echoed from the Land Beyond the Doorway, and Yasuka looked rather chastened. "Yes ma'am…I will." she replied, shooting a glance in his direction. 

"Will what?" Sesshoumaru panicked. He had given an actual present to a _girl_…what else could go wrong?! Was she going to try and _talk_ to him? They were supposed to be Mortal Enemies! (At least, the way he saw it – she had touched his EARS! That should be an act of war in and of itself!) Yasuka swallowed hard and stepped toward him, her face the very picture of determination...as if she were steeling herself for something. 

"Dammit…what _do_ girls do when you give them flowers?" he wondered out loud, suppressing the urge to back away. 

"I think they hug you…" Inuyasha supplied helpfully. Sesshoumaru gave him a hard kick. "Well, that's what my MOM does!" the hanyou sulked. 

_Oh gods!_Sesshoumaru wanted to melt himself. _HUG me?! EWWWW!!!!_ Cripes! You could probably die from that! _What a way to go_… He tried, and failed, to repress a shudder. Inuyasha began giggling, more than content to laugh at any tragedy not directly happening to him. 

The girl stopped at the edge of the veranda and went down on her knees. 

"Thank you, my lord." Yasuka bowed formally, pressing her face to the floor. "I am not worthy of…the honor of your affection." Her lips moved slowly, as if she was being prompted. More faint laughter from the Women's Quarter. 

_The honor of my…affection…_Sesshoumaru ran the word through his brain. _OH SHIT! She thinks I _like _her!_ The puppy broke out in a cold sweat, and he could almost _feel_ the cooties crawling over his skin. _Double-EWWW!!!_

Before he could react, the small girl sprang to her feet and scurried toward the safety of her chambers, moving as fast as she could manage in her restrictive dress. 

"Hey wait!" the demon prince shouted after the retreating female. "That's not what I meant!! Give those back—" He dashed up the stairs toward the doorway with Inuyasha in hot pursuit. 

"No, Sesshoumaru! You can't go in there!" Inuyasha urged, pulling on his brother's lengthy sleeve. "Dad'll BITE us—" 

"Shut up!" the older boy snapped, lunging for the bouquet. Yasuka, oblivious, stepped through the doorway… 

Sesshoumaru missed his mark, and both boys tumbled head over heels into the Women's Quarters. 

It was darker, Sesshoumaru faintly realized, and musky—a guy could barely make out anything in that confusing muddle of scents. Jasmine, myrrh, costly spices…it was enough to give a grownup headaches for days. 

"Oww…is my brains showing?" Inuyasha asked, holding his head carefully. He had smacked his head hard against the wooden floor when they fell. 

"No!" Sesshoumaru replied, although he couldn't actually tell – the light from the doorway was blinding him. Dozens of glittering eyes stared at them inquisitively, peeking through the haze of incense. Their owners were shrouded in silk, wrapped up like packages, and they rustled nervously, whispering about the intruders in their mist. One of them stood, and slowly moved toward the door. 

"Inuyasha?" Sesshoumaru grunted. "Get…up…" The hanyou groaned in response, still dazed. 

A shadow loomed overhead, and both puppies swooned in a nightmare of purple cloth and flashing eyes---moving directly between them and the doorway. Sesshoumaru watched that last sliver of light disappear behind silk… 

It was too late: they were Among the Enemy.   
  


* * *

So what do you think so far? I didn't want to abuse poor little Yasuka in this way (for the record, she's 12 or so), but the plot requires it—Sesshou is smart enough to quit when the going gets rough, unless he has a _real_ reason for a vendetta…dun dun DUN! 

Remember: If you got this far, you should also REVIEW and tell me what you thought! I might one day be a good writer, but I'm sure a bad mind reader.  
  
**Response to Reviews (no particular order):**   
  
**Miko-chan**:  
You're right on the mark with the Jaken comment – almost. I nearly wrote him into this chapter, but that particular plot device is too powerful this soon in the story, so I wrote in this short instead. But yes, Jaken will make an appearance, and you'll see what his attitude toward Inuyasha is. (Hint: It's a bit like his reaction to all small children – he's not so much hanyou as he is a seven year old, and both are things Jaken doesn't like dealing with ^_^)   
  
**Profiler120**:  
No, Kagome and Kikyou aren't in it – this are legit puppies (7 and 10, although I've thought about bumping that up just one year… 8 and 11 sounds better :-/). That's part of the reason their personalities are somewhat different – Sesshou hasn't frozen up entirely, although he is a pompous little bastard, and Inuyasha is a little more naïve and hero-worshipping – he hasn't been so disillusioned yet.   
  
**Lady BlackDragonFire**:  
Sure, you can scratch lil Sess's ears…if you don't get scratched yourself! Watch out – those claws are sharp! ^_~   
  
**lynnxlady**:  
Thanks! You're awesome for picking up on that subtle detail: I had that specific thought in mind while writing that part. I've got some very specific character sketches in mind when I write for this fic, and Inuyasha is a little more innocent – he's a kid, after all. And that's also why he alternately looks up to his big brother _and_ gets exasperated with him…older siblings are both a blessing and a curse, especially when they're pretty cool and stronger than you ^_~   
  
**Thunk**:   
Glad to hear you enjoyed it – and I should congratulate for picking up on that bit of foreshadowing. I really didn't want to have to use it, but I started running out of options here…_something_ needed to escalate this Battle of the Sexes…we're going for all-out war here ^_~   
  
**Everyone Else:**  
Thank you for your continued support to this story! It wouldn't be anywhere without the kind encouragement of Readers Like You. Much love. 


	4. They've gotten themselves into a real pi...

A/N: The number four in Japanese is pronounced "shi" (same way as death), so it's subject to a bunch of superstitions. It's not really that important but I felt like using it. 

Response to reviews at the end of the chapter.   
  


* * *

"Hello, boys!" Inuyasha's mother smiled down at them, tilting her head to look down at the puppies. Her long purple sleeves shimmered in the available light, making her look unearthly. 

"Hullo, mom." the boys replied sulkily. 

"And what brings you two here?" she asked pleasantly, but her voice had a sharp edge to it. Both brothers swallowed hard and pulled themselves to their feet. 

"Ah, yeah, about that…we were just leaving!" Sesshoumaru stammered, putting one hand behind his head. "Right Inuyasha?" he asked. 

Inuyasha nodded glumly, not bothering to say anything in their defense. He could just BET they were going to have Words about this later. 

"I still want to know what you're doing here! You boys know better than that!" The "nice mother" facade disappeared completely, and Inuyasha covered his tiny ears reflexively. Oh yes, they were going to have Words. Maybe even a _Discussion._

"I-Inuyasha did it!" Sesshoumaru defended himself in the age-old method of childhood, jabbing a finger toward his younger brother. Inuyasha tried very hard not to bite it off…his momma didn't like that, for some reason. 

"No way! _Your_ fault!" the hanyou retaliated, pointing the Finger back at his sibling. "He maked me do it!" he appealed, giving his mom his most powerful Cute, Defenseless Puppy look. She did not look impressed. 

"Do what?" Mother inquired testily. 

"Well, uh…" 

"Ummm…" a soft voice interrupted. "S-sesshoumaru-sama came and gave me flowers." Yasuka supplied shyly, stepping closer to the light. "They're very pretty." She beamed at him gratefully, still clutching her bouquet. Sesshoumaru repressed the urge to throw up. 

"Oh..." The human woman's gaze softened unexpectedly, and Inuyasha thought he saw her…wink at Yasuka? "How nice of him!" Mother complimented, reaching out to pat the puppy on the head. "What a good boy you are!" Sesshoumaru growled and snapped, but the human seemed oblivious. Her hand snaked right and began scratching behind a pointy ear... 

A few minutes (and one slightly subdued Sesshoumaru later), both boys found themselves being dragged further into the woman's chambers. Inuyasha clung to his brother's arm for support…support for his brother, at least, who was leaning on him heavily. Sesshoumaru looked slightly dazed. 

"We are so dead." Inuyasha whispered. 

"Don't remind me…" Sesshoumaru slurred, shaking his head. 

"Now, I heard you two got yourselves into trouble earlier." Inuyasha's mother chided, brushing through a curtain. "That was very naughty of you to wake Oiichi-san!" 

"We're sorry!" the puppies responded truthfully. Sesshoumaru's mother was very…touchy…if she didn't get enough sleep. Ahead of them, Sesshoumaru could hear the infernal Yasuka chattering about something. 

_Gods, could you be more annoying?_ he wondered, irritated by her sing-song-y speech. _What else could go wrong…_

"Ah, yes!" the human clapped her hands together, pausing in front of a small sliding door. She nodded slightly, and Yasuka stepped forward to pull the screen open. "Here you go, kids…we'll find you someone to play with!" Mother announced. The brothers exchanged guarded looks, both very much afraid. 

"Good afternoon, ladies!" Mother chirped, pulling them into a small room. The brothers groaned in unison as a few very familiar faces looked up from their sewing with interest. Sesshoumaru stiffened, and Inuyasha was very amused to see his brother unconsciously covering his ears. 

"Well, look what the cat dragged in!" Michiru snickered. The other girls laughed musically, reclining against silken ottomans. "Or human, as the case may be." 

"What shall we do with them?" Mother inquired playfully. "They just don't seem to want to leave you alone." She winked at Yasuka again, and Sesshoumaru shuddered. Inuyasha watched the exchange with some interest…he'd never seen anybody wink so much in his life. _Maybe Mom has some dirt in her eye…then why did big brother freak out about it? Weird._

"I think they're looking for someone to play with!" Inuyasha's mother continued cheerfully. Inuyasha knew that tone of voice very well…it was the same tone she used for questions like "Isn't anybody going to wash these dishes?" and "I think the trash needs to get taken out sometime…" The hanyou tried to slink behind his brother. 

"Any takers?" the human continued, undaunted by the lack of volunteers. 

"Not until they're older, honey." one sultry voice purred, and Inuyasha's mother shot its owner an extremely nasty look. "I only play with the big boys." the flaxen-haired youkai yawned languidly. 

Inuyasha was extremely insulted. 

"But I _am_ a big boy!" he announced proudly. "I sleep in a grown-up bed now! Just like my big brother!" Inexplicably, the room dissolved into laughter. "Well, I _am_ seven!" the hanyou pouted. 

"That's not what she meant, dear." his mother hushed sternly, but her eyes were laughing. "_Anyways_, these puppies are in need of some playmates…won't any of you spend some time with them?" Her question came out as a statement. 

"Well, let's see…I know! Why don't we play Hide and Go Seek?" Michiru suggested. "You guys go hide, and we'll come looking for you…eventually." The other girls snickered. 

"What a wonderful idea!" Mother smiled winningly. "I'll play too!" 

For some reason, Michiru looked irritated. "No, m'lady, that's not really necessary—" 

"Well, I'll help organize at least!" Mother pressed onward, ignoring the groans. "Now, what teams should we have? I bet Sesshoumaru wants little Yasuka on his team…" she mused, even as Sesshoumaru waved an emphatic NO! Inuyasha was disappointed when she didn't wink again. "But, I think we should do it the old-fashioned way: boys versus girls! Why don't you boys go first? You can count out in the hall." 

"Yes, mom…" the brothers grumbled, trudging toward the sliding door. 

"And you girls, go and hide! Anywhere within this quarter, but stay away from the east wing…the lord is working on his books today. C'mon…chop-chop!"   
  


* * *

"Stupid bloody hide and seek!" Sesshoumaru complained, slamming the screen shut behind them. "This is baby stuff!" 

"At least we're not dead." Inuyasha offered. 

"We might as well be…" _Gods! Hide and seek with **girls**! What if anybody finds out about this? I'll just have to get rid of the witnesses, I guess…_ He eyed his younger brother. _Well, at least I'd be putting him out of his misery. It must suck, being a hanyou._

Inuyasha, oblivious, began counting with enthusiasm. 

"One…two…three…five…six…ow! What was that for?" 

"Stupid! You missed four!" Sesshoumaru hissed. 

"Momma says that's bad luck!" Inuyasha complained. 

"I'll show YOU bad luck! How the hell did you lose that snake!" Sesshoumaru badgered, returning to earlier grievances. 

"I dunno, it was all wriggly and you told me to hurry up…" 

"I didn't mean for you to LOSE it! Now look what you did!" the full demon looked like he was about to hyperventilate. "I think she _likes_ me!" he whimpered. 

"She…_likes_…you?" Inuyasha mulled it over. He'd thought something was a little strange about her reaction to those stupid weeds…how horrible! A girl _liked_ his big brother! Ew! There was only one thing to do. 

"Sesshoumaru an' Yasuka, sitting in a tree!" he chanted. "K-I-S-S-I-N—!" 

"Shut—up---!" Sesshoumaru growled, his right hand lighting with poison. A few drops splattered on the floor, etching little tracks into the wood. "Besides, that isn't the worst part…she's got your stupid mom thinking it too!" 

"My mom ain't stupid!" Inuyasha thumbed his nose at his brother, assuming a fighting position. "Wait…Is that why she keeps winkin' at Yasuka?" he asked, curiosity overcoming the impulse to tussle. 

"Maybe, I dunno." Sesshoumaru replied, in a voice that sounded like he _did_ think so. "We gotta get that stupid bitch back." He looked positively murderous. "We're gonna drag her out, kicking and screaming, and we'll shave her head bald, and make her take a B-A-T-H, and break all her doll toy-things, and--!" 

"…hey, Sesshoumaru?" 

"Huh?" 

"Shouldn't we go Seekin'? We can't do nothin' if we don't find her first…" 

"...oh yeah."   
  


* * *

It was a little harder than they'd expected, but nevertheless the puppies located most of the girls within a half hour; the heavy incense of the Women's Quarter didn't quite override their personal scents. Most of them seemed oddly relieved to be discovered, although Michiru acted annoyed as always. 

However, Yasuka was no where to be found, although they'd looked everywhere they could think of. Sesshoumaru was getting increasingly vexed. 

"Well?" he asked for the three millionth time, tapping his foot impatiently. Inuyasha looked up at him and whimpered. 

"But by dose hurts, Sesshoumaru…" 

"Oh, for godssake!" the full demon rolled his eyes. "Never send a hanyou to do a youkai's job!" 

"But you were da one dat said I should do all da trackin'—" Inuyasha pointed out, sneezing again. His head was absolutely killing him, and his nose was nearing the point of perfumed melt-down. _Why do they have to use all this smelly stuff? Maybe it's some sorta self-defense thingy…_

Sesshoumaru gracefully lowered himself to all fours beside his younger brother, inhaling deeply. The myriad scents of the hallway hit his untrained, highly sensitive nose all at once, and the full demon belatedly realized why he'd been making his brother do the tracking. Quite strangely enough, the floor chose that exact moment to jump up and meet him. 

"Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha called. 

"Whenja get up there?" the full demon asked blearily, staring upwards. 

Inuyasha scowled. "You were da one that felled dow—" he cut off abruptly, swiveling his head sharply to the right. His fuzzy ears snapped upright, straining to make something out. "Didja ya hear that!?" he yelped. 

Sesshoumaru pressed one slender ear to the floor, trying to figure out what his brother was talking about. He could almost hear a very faint scraping sound, wood on wood—and a muffled thump? As if someone was moving something…or moving around in it. Off to the east, and close to the kitchens… 

Both puppies had the same thought at once. 

"The storage room!"   
  


* * *

"Shhh!" Sesshoumaru warned, carefully sliding open the heavy screen. "We don't want her to hear us." 

"Ewww!" Inuyasha squealed, completely ignoring his big brother's advice. "Stinks like pickles!" 

"Exactly!" Sesshoumaru grinned. "She didn't think we'd be able to smell her in here. But that's why I knew she was here—such an _obvious_ trick." (Of course, his brother's hearing had _nothing_ to do with it.) _Stupid brat…thinks she can outsmart_ me? "She's a hundred years too young!" he mused aloud. 

"For what?" Inuyasha asked. 

"Huh?" 

"What happens in a hundred years?" the hanyou wondered. 

"Er…I was just sayin' that Yasuka couldn't beat me, not in a hundred years!" 

Inuyasha looked crestfallen. "Then she'll beat you when you turn a hundred?" _Man, some big brother YOU are…_

"No, stupid!" Sesshoumaru sighed, exasperated. "It's just an idiot-ism…er, idiophore…er, _thing_. It's like saying 'you'll have to get up pretty early in the morning to get the better of ME!' " 

"That's not hard!" Inuyasha pointed out. "You always oversleep!" 

"Dammit! That's not the point!" 

"But you do!" Ah, the tenacity of seven-year old reasoning. 

"You stupid little—" 

Something giggled, off in the darkness, and both puppies froze. Their prey was close…in an unspoken truce, Inuyasha released his brother's arm in exchange for the use of his legs again. 

"C'mon!" Sesshoumaru beckoned, padding over to a stack of unused barrels, heavy wooden containers piled to the ceiling. They had been emptied one by one and then stacked here, still steeped in pickle juice…the dog demon's nose twitched briefly before he decided not to bother. Instant headache for sure, that. 

And after all--one of the barrels' lids was suspiciously ajar. 

"There she is!" Sesshoumaru whispered, crouching down behind "C'mon, Inuyasha…we gotta move fast!" 

Before the hanyou could react, his brother streaked forward and slammed the lid home, trapping the girl inside. Frantic pounding rattled the barrel from the inside out, but to no avail…two warm bodies were leaning on the cover. 

"You got her!" Inuyasha shouted, pure hero worship shining in his eyes. 

"Of course I did." his brother purred, giving the barrel an extra kick for good measure. The racket inside stopped for a moment. "And I know _just_ what to do with this…" Sesshoumaru's smile turned deadly. 

  
  


* * *

"How much farther?" Inuyasha complained, giving the wooden container another shove. 

"We're almost outside…" Sesshoumaru panted, keeping a careful eye on the lid. The barrel was rolling steadily, and thankfully its inhabitant had settled down—he didn't think his poor ears could take much more pounding. "Ok, there's the door." 

The lid wobbled dangerously, but Inuyasha managed to hang onto it as his brother slid the screen aside. A few hundred feet, and then they'd be home free… 

"Ah, Sesshoumaru! Inuyasha!" a familiar male voice called. 

Both puppies stiffened and instantly plastered innocent smiles on their cherubic faces. 

"Hi dad!" they grinned in unison, trying to hide the barrel behind their diminutive forms. 

"What are you doing?" The western lord asked amicably, yawning. Inuyasha was amused to note he had smudge marks on his face…just like his big brother did when he fell asleep on his protocol homework. 

"Uh…we're just…playing!" Sesshoumaru stammered. 

"W-with Yasuka!" Inuyasha added, leaning heavily on the lid. 

"Girls, eh?" Inutaishou smiled indulgently. "Ah, I remember when I was a pup your age…" His eyes grew all misty, and both brothers groaned. If he got started on his "nostalgia" thing again, they'd never get outside. "Her name was Maiko, as I recall…" 

"Uh, that's nice and all, but we really gotta go!" Sesshoumaru pleaded. "Yasuka's gonna be mad at us if we, er, keep her waiting." 

"Bye, Dad!" Inuyasha called obediently, before shoving the barrel out onto the porch. 

Inutaishou watched his sons fondly, content to observe their little game. Something thumped around heavily inside the container, and the brothers kicked the lid fiercely. Inutaishou wiped away a tear. 

"Ah, puppy love…" the proud parent chuckled, and went off to compose a suitable poem.   
  


* * *

"Ok, dump it in the lake!" Sesshoumaru squealed happily. Inuyasha sagged against the wooden container, trying his damndest to muster up the necessary strength. 

"What? Wimping out?" his brother accused, and the hanyou made a half-hearted swipe at him. 

"You should talk! You didn't even push!" he growled. 

"I did!" Sesshoumaru retorted. "…a little bit." 

"Not much!" Inuyasha panted. 

"Fine!" Sesshoumaru huffed, joining his brother behind the barrel. "One—two---three!" 

They shoved it forward as hard as they could, collapsing onto the grass the minute it passed the edge of the hill. Slowly at first…then faster and faster…the container wobbled down the short slope and into the family lake, muffled screams following it all the way. It hit the water with a magnificent splash, temporarily displacing a large patch of the pond scum carpeting the shore waters. The barrel spun forward once and then squelched deeply into the mud, weighed down too heavily to roll into deeper waters. The lid floated nearby, unnoticed. 

"Excellent!!!" the puppies cried as one, and then, in that time honored tradition of mischievous boys everywhere—they got the hell out of there. 

"That was totally worth it!" Sesshoumaru decided as they rounded the corner to the main compound. "She never knew what hit her!" Inuyasha nodded, staring at his brother in admiration, and that's why he didn't notice until he ran… 

…right into a pair of familiar pink eyes. 

"Ya-yasuka!" Sesshoumaru yelped. "W-what are you doing here?" 

"Forgive me, my lord, for leaving your game so early." she addressed formally, bowing her head. "But I wanted to repay you for your kind present, so…" 

Sesshoumaru stood in shock as she dumped an assortment of shiny homemade candies into his larger hand. She backed away respectfully, mumbling the usual humble words (although the effect was somewhat marred by the proud smirk plastered on her face—she had always been proud of her candy making skills). 

"Hey, big brother…" Inuyasha whispered urgently, tugging on his brother's robe. "If Yasuka is here…then who was in the--" 

"Of course, if my lord does not wish to receive such an ignoble gift, I can always—" 

"Ok, thanks, bye!" Sesshoumaru squeaked, shoving the girl bodily toward the house. He had the same thought as his brother, and it sure wasn't a good one. They'd found all the women that were playing, unless… 

The puppies made the trek to the lake in record time, taking the shortcut straight _through _Jaken's flower bushes (much to the delight of the wizened retainer), and hurtled over most of Dad's rock garden. They rushed over the edge of the hill, gasping for breath… 

A familiar black-haired human woman was struggling in the shallows, trying desperately to pull herself out of a splintered pickle barrel. Her purple silk kimono was covered in brownish pond scum—absolutely, without any doubts, ruined. 

Inuyasha turned mournfully to his older brother. 

"Do you think Mom's gonna be mad about this?" 

The full demon paled. 

"…probably."   
  


* * *

Uh-oh! Looks like they're really in trouble this time! @_@ Poor puppies—what will happen next? And more importantly, how will they deal with it? Will a little punishment cause them to give up and let those icky girls win? Or will the boys rally their forces and triumph? Find out next time, but first, don't forget to… 

R-E-V-I-E-W! ^_^   
  
**Response to Reviews (no particular order):**  
  
**Jarjayes:**  
Yes! I'm so happy someone got that impression – that's exactly the character description I think of when writing little Sess. Sure, he's bad-ass and powerful as a grown up, but he isn't nearly so kick-ass as a kid…but he does have ego to spare. Thus, he gets himself into all kinds of trouble…   
  
**Dark Kitsune:**   
Glad you liked it! My grandpa used that line a lot when we were children, so I'm pretty familiar with it ^_~ And yes, more Half-Light is forth-coming – I only finished this chapter because it was almost entirely written already. (I suffered some bad writer's block for chapter 3 and eventually realized these events should be a separate chapter.)   
  
**Dayla:**  
Well, not quite…at least, not quite yet. (Hah, did that give anything away?) As an interesting side note, I've guessed that his red eye shadow might be there because of an element of Kabuki theatre…the evil guys/evil demon things tend to have red above their eyes. (To make them stand out/look evil?) Then again, Sango has red above her eyes…and she was never really evil…so I could just be off the mark.   
  
**ChibiJenn:**   
Glad you liked it ^_^ I will have more Half-Light out soon too, as testament to your persistence – you alone have given me lots of reason to keep writing ^_^   
  
**Everyone Else:**  
Once again, thanks for your continued support! Love to all!   
  
**Everyone Else Who Didn't Review:**  
REVIEW, damn you! If you got this far down on the page anyways, why not? The button is right there…   



	5. Birds and the bees

**This chapter is dedicated to Saro, Dark Kitsune, Thunk, and everyone else who's been encouraging me these past few weeks. You all rock!**

Whee! Sorry I haven't updated in forever, it's been a challenging few weeks/months ^_^;;; But never fear, I **will** finish what I've started! This is a transition chapter but it's a necessary evil – only two more chapters to go, unless I get some additional inspiration (any would-be muses out there? leave me a review with your idea! Also open to ideas for spin-off fics! :D) 

Also, for those of you who were wondering about the relationship between Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru's mothers...you'll get your answer soon ^_~ 

* * *

  


"Aiiip!" one pained yip. 

"OW!" an angry squeal. 

A very soggy woman shuffled her way down the veranda, dragging two equally soaked puppies with her. Inuyasha whimpered, trying to keep up with her powerful strides. You wouldn't think a lady could move so fast under so many layers of silk (and mud), but his momma never failed to surprise. His arm ached where her now-less-than-immaculate fingernails bit into the skin, and he knew she wasn't about to let up any time soon. 

"You boys should _know_ better!" she hissed, sweeping past curious servants. "That was very dangerous of you two, and I can't believe that…" 

He tried to tune her out again but it only worked so well--she was screeching loud enough to wake the dead. Inuyasha leaned forward and tried to catch his brother's eye, but Sesshoumaru didn't seem to be paying much attention...at least, not to anything but his ear. Said ear was currently in the famed Iron Grip of Inuyasha's mother, who wasn't likely to let go any time soon. 

They were rounding the corner into the Eastern corridor, and all too soon they would be in front of their Father…and then…Inuyasha squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think of all the things he liked about the outdoors. He doubted he'd see anything but the study room walls for a looooong, long time. 

"**And** another thing—" his mother huffed, clearly not about to let up any time soon. "I can't believe that…oh my." Her words snapped off and she stopped so abruptly that Inuyasha almost toppled over, still expecting her strong grip to be pulling him onward. 

"Huh?" he murmured, hardly daring to hope… 

"What on earth is going on here?" Sesshoumaru's mother intoned dryly, peering down her nose at the filthy trio. 

"Ah, my lady…" Inuyasha's mother breathed, bowing low. "I was merely taking these boys to—" 

"Sesshoumaru!" Lady Oiichi barked, surprise flashing across her porcelain face. "Whatever happened to your clothes?" She sniffed delicately, obviously trying to place the swampy odor hanging around her pup. 

"HE made me! It was _his_ fault we were in the pond." Sesshoumaru accused. Lady Oiichi's eyes softened immediately, bending down to examine her child. 

"Oh, my poor baby! That must have been awful…" She ruffled his hair awkwardly, before turning to the human. "But you know he can't swim very well! How could you let him near the water?" she growled. "The poor darling must have been scared senseless!" 

"My lady, I never intended—" 

Inuyasha ground his teeth and dug his nails into his palm, trying to stay silent. It just wasn't fair that his big brother could get away with this stuff. Leave it him to blame someone else for his ruined clothes, even though he was the one who'd shoved the barrel into the pond in the first place. Who knew they'd have to crawl in there and fish it out? And besides, his mom would _never_ let him off with a lame excuse like that…he was even more annoyed to see the smug look on his brother's face. It just wasn't fair. 

"—but my baby is so _delicate_!" the full demon continued, undaunted by the human's protests. "His poor widdle lungs could have—" 

"MOM!" Sesshoumaru yipped, tugging at her sleeve. Getting him out of Trouble was one thing…but this was just downright _embarrassing_. Inuyasha grinned and stuck out his tongue. "C'mon, that's enough, Mom!" Sesshoumaru whined. 

"Yes, sweetheart?" Oiichi turned suddenly, ignoring yet another frantic explanation from Inuyasha's mother. 

"Umm, can I go out and play now?" Sesshoumaru asked sweetly. Inuyasha couldn't help but cringe at how syrupy his brother's voice was. "I could use a break from my studies, I've been working _all_ daaaay..." he wheedled. 

"Well, let's see…weren't you already outside for a while?" the Lady asked sweetly. "With the hanyou, right?" 

"Yeah!" Sesshoumaru chirped, giving her his best impression of a Perfect Little Angel. "We had lots of fun playing Dragons and Demons…" he lied. 

"Oh, is that so…" Lady Oiichi mused. 

Her eyes turned steely. 

"And _what_ have I told you about playing with half-breeds?!" Oiichi snapped, baring her teeth. Both puppies tried to hide behind Inuyasha's mother. 

"Well?!" 

"Uhhh…don't do it?" Sesshoumaru replied hopefully. 

"Then WHY DID YOU!?" she howled, sounding more like a typhoon than a dog demon. Sesshoumaru yelped and futilely attempted to cover his ears. "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times--" 

"Wrong answer, dummy!" Inuyasha giggled. His mother squeezed his shoulder sharply, and he shut up almost immediately. Her lips were pressed together so tightly that they'd almost disappeared into a single, disapproving line. Interestingly enough, she seemed to be directing that anger at Lady Oiichi. 

"And you--!" Lady Oiichi snarled, narrowing her eyes at Inuyasha. "Getting my boy into trouble like that! You sniveling mutt, I really ought to—" 

"Wait just a minute, my lady!" Inuyasha's mother interrupted. "I know you were at court today, but you should know that it was_ your _son who trespassed into the women's quarter in the first place!" 

"Sesshoumaru!!" the lady barked, clearly surprised. The mournful look on his face was all the proof she needed. "Well, I _never_!" Lady Oiichi huffed. "It must have been that hanyou's fault, wasn't it?" 

Sesshoumaru nodded vigorously. Inuyasha shook his head. 

"What an ill-behaved son of a--! Well, at least it isn't catching." Lady Oiichi sniffed, staring directly at the human woman. "I'd never live it down if _my_ son were such a hooligan!" 

"At least Inuyasha doesn't have a vocabulary that would make a porter blush!" Inuyasha's mother hissed. "You know what he called me earlier?! A bloody human bi--" 

"Never! My angel wouldn't dare, he must have learned it from your ill-bred little--" 

"Oh yeah?! He's constantly skipping his protocol lessons, according to Michitsune! Unlike _MY_ boy, who--" 

"What was that?!" Sesshoumaru's mother rasped. "I'll have you know that--oh, pardon me!" She moved aside so quickly that she nearly knocked her own pup over. "My apologies, Lord!" she said demurely, averting her eyes from the figure entering the hallway. 

"Hello ladies!" Inutaishou greeted happily as he approached his happy little family. "And how is everyone on this fine afternoon?" 

The women wheeled on him simultaneously, ready to attack. 

"YOUR SON is getting into trouble again!" they snarled as one. 

"Huh?" the lord blinked, eyeing the women warily. Whenever the boys started being "his" son, he knew he was in for it. _Why me?_ he thought sadly. _All I wanted was a walk in the garden…_

Both women began explaining at once. 

"Will you tell your son—" 

"—to stop wrecking the playroom?! They woke me up—" 

"—they threw _me_ in the lake! Just look at this mud! You have to—" 

"Give them a good bite, why don't you? I would—" 

"SEND THEM TO THEIR ROOMS!" they finished triumphantly. Inutaishou staggered backwards in spite of himself. 

The brothers looked up at him mournfully. 

"Now, ladies…" he began lamely. "Pups will be pups, after all…" 

"Well, _I_ certainly didn't cause this much uproar when I was young!" Sesshoumaru's mother sniffed. 

"Look at my robes! They're _ruined_!" Inuyasha's mother whimpered. She shivered a little, though it might have as easily been from the effort of hanging onto Sesshoumaru as from the cold…he was straining against her grip even though it obviously hurt his ear. Inuyasha was faintly amused to see tears running down his big brother's face. "How am I going to get this mud out?!" 

"Now dear, we can always get you a new one…" Father reached for the human, and his youkai wife snarled. 

"Oh we _can_, can we?!" she mocked. "I seem to recall you told _me_ I couldn't get a new ceremonial frock until next season! YOU said it was too expensive." 

"But sweetheart, that was made of pure gold…" 

"I don't care! How can you tell that trollop she deserves a new kimono when I—" 

"Trollop!?" Soaked or not, Inuyasha's mother wasn't about to take that comment lying down. She swelled up like a cat, shoving her soggy bangs violently to one side to meet her opponent's gaze. "With all due _respect_, my lady, I think you can take your kimono and put it where…" 

"Uh-oh…" Sesshoumaru breathed. Inuyasha echoed the sentiment. So did Father, for that matter…he was starting to look very frightened. 

"N-now ladies…" Father raised his hands in peace-making stance even as the women were squaring off for a proper cat fight. 

"Mom?" Inuyasha asked as she shoved him aside, pushing her sleeves back. 

"Step aside, Sesshoumaru!" Lady Oiichi sniffed, unsheathing her claws. 

"Dad, what do you think we should—" Sesshoumaru began, just as Inuyasha's mother launched herself at the other woman. 

"W-why don't you boys go out and play or something?" the Great Lord stammered. 

"But momma said we had to talk to you about the pickle—" Inuyasha pointed out dutifully. 

"Just get out of here!" Father snapped, eyes flashing red. 

"Y-yessir!" Sesshoumaru yipped and dashed down the hallway, dragging his brother with him. 

"Idiot!" Sesshoumaru hissed when they were finally out of earshot. "You don't remind him you were supposed to get punished!" 

"But momma said we had to talk to Dad before--" 

"Forget about it! Let's get out of here!!!!" 

Inuyasha spared one last glance for his father as they dove around the west corner. Women were definitely more trouble than they were worth. He'd never bother keeping any of _them_ around when he grew up.   


* * *

  


A short while later, the boys were back in the woods again, as far from females as humanly (or demon-ly ^_~) possible. 

"Owww…" Sesshoumaru whimpered dramatically, sprawled across the dirt floor of the Boy's Klub Moat. Inuyasha scowled and flipped a clod of dirt his way. 

"At least you didn't get a spankin'!" the hanyou snapped. His hind was going to be sore for days. 

"At least _you_ didn't get your ears pulled!" his brother retorted, rubbing his head. "You hanyou have it easy, you don't nearly have the delicate features that we full demons—" 

"Ah, shaddup." Inuyasha sighed. For once, it just wasn't worth fighting about. 

Blissful silence, at least for a few minutes. 

"Hey, Inuyasha?" Sesshoumaru's voice sounded odd. 

"Hrn?" 

"What d'you think happens when somebody _likes_ you?" 

"Huh?" Now _there_ was something new…since when did Sesshoumaru ever ask him questions? (Well, besides "are you gonna finish that rice cake?" or "hey, how do you think we can hide this?") It had to be a trick or something. 

"What do you mean?" the hanyou asked, slightly suspicious. 

"Oh _you_ know…" Sesshoumaru waved one hand nonchalantly. "That stuff your mom always says she'll tell you about when you get older." 

Inuyasha nodded. He knew that line. Momma used it a lot when she told him about the Ladies' Quarter. Still, he had to Contribute something, so… 

"Umm…well, I think when you _like_ somebody you get all mushy at them. Like, give 'em flowers and stuff." Inuyasha speculated. 

Sesshoumaru's eyebrow twitched. Interesting… 

"And then maybe you H-U-G them or K-I-S-S them." the hanyou continued, keeping one eye trained on his brother's expression. Sesshoumaru's eyebrow twitched again. Inuyasha decided to go for the gold. 

"And my mom says that when you really, really like somebody then you make a baby with them." 

"You what?!" Sesshoumaru yelped, bolting upright. 

"Yeah…didn't your momma tell you?" the hanyou asked in genuine surprise. 

"Tell me what?" 

"Where babies come from!" 

"N-not really." Sesshoumaru's cheeks were a faint red—no doubt embarrassed by his lack of knowledge. "All my mom ever said was that you were an accident." He swiveled around to face his brother before whispering, "D-did she tell you how it works?" 

_I know something you don't know!_ Inuyasha nearly bounced up and down with glee. This was just too great! The hanyou tried desperately to think what his mom had told him. 

"Well, let's see…first, you have to really, really like someone…urm, and then there's something about some bees you have to find…" 

"Bees?" Sesshoumaru asked skeptically. 

"Yeah, on account of the birds an' the bees!" the hanyou continued self-importantly. "The birds are the stork demons, 'cause they're the ones that show up and bring the baby." 

"I thought you said you_ made_ the baby." Sesshoumaru huffed. "You're just telling stories." 

"No, I swear!" Inuyasha growled, rolling closer to his brother. "You, uh, tell the stork demons to get you a baby and they bring it to you in nine months!" 

"And where do they get these babies from, huh?" his brother sneered. 

"Uh…the cabbage patch? There's a lady who sits there and watches 'em til they're almost ripe. Then the stork demons bring 'em to you and they grow a little more. Which is why they look kinda like squashed tomatoes for a while." 

Sesshoumaru was silent. 

"Sesshoumaru?" 

"No…" the full demon breathed, rocking back on his heels. "No WAY am I having some damn baby!" 

"But you are! Yasuka _likes_ you!" Inuyasha teased. "And she's gonna give you a puppy!" 

"S-she can't do that!" Sesshoumaru growled. "I won't let her!" 

"Maybe she could anyway…if I was an ax-cident, she could ax-cidently make a baby for you too." Inuyasha grinned, flipping a clod of dirt at his frazzled sibling. Sesshoumaru didn't even bother to fling acid back. 

"Then I have to make sure she has an 'accident'!" Sesshoumaru hissed, flexing his claws. "And the storks can just take the damn baby back!" 

Ooh, again with the "damn". Inuyasha would have been impressed, but the rabid look in his half-brother's eyes was getting a little worrisome. 

"What do you mean, 'make sure she has an accident'? Sesshoumaru?" No response. Inuyasha panicked. He didn't like girls much either, but he was pretty sure Dad wouldn't be very happy if they Killed any. They were already in enough trouble as it was for soaking his mother. 

"Wait!" Sesshoumaru barked, rocketing to his feet. "So get this: Yasuka started L-I-K-I-N-G me when you screwed up the flower thing, right?" 

"Hey! I didn't screw up, you _told_ me to—" 

"So if we give her something else, she might UNlike me!" Sesshoumaru continued. He was pacing now, and his eyes had gone straight past "enthusiastic" and right into "stark, raving mad". Inuyasha whimpered. 

"Can't do snakes, they get away. Can't use scorpions, mom doesn't want 'em in the house…" 

Suddenly, he stopped stock still. His fevered gaze zeroed in on Inuyasha. 

"What's the best way to get rid of somebody who likes you?" he breathed softly, stalking closer in the pregnant pause. The question hung in the air, not quite a threat and not quite a warning. Inuyasha fought the urge to shiver and duck away. His big brother couldn't possibly be talking about— 

"Well, you scare 'em, of course!" Sesshoumaru yapped happily, completing his sentence at last. 

"You do?" the hanyou replied warily. They were definitely treading in dangerous waters if Sesshoumaru was answering his own questions, but he was still relieved. Sometimes he couldn't tell if his brother was joking when he started talking about cutting off sou—er, topknots, and striking fear into souls. 

"Yeah, you scare 'em." his brother continued self-importantly. "You scare 'em real good, so they never play with you again. That way, even if they still L-I-K-E you they can't give you any babies." 

"How you gonna do that?" Inuyasha scowled. "You didn't scare her at ALL as a big-dog! She thought you were cute!" He stuck out his tongue emphatically. "And besides," the puppy leered, "she can always scritch your ears…" 

"Shut up!" Sesshoumaru growled, pacing back and forth. "I'm _thinking_, okay?" 

"Ummm…" a soft voice interrupted. 

"Huh?" both brothers said as one. They instantly craned their necks up to find the source of the voice. There, peering over the edge of the Moat was-- 

"Y-Yasuka!" Sesshoumaru yelped, turning a very interesting shade of white. "W-what are you…?" 

"Forgive me for intruding, my lord!" Yasuka murmured softly. "I didn't mean to interrupt your…" her pink eyes flickered around hesitantly, "well, whatever exactly it is that you're doing here, but…" 

"So why did you?" Inuyasha asked, genuinely curious. 

Yasuka shifted above them, temporarily blocking the sunlight as she moved something closer to the edge. "If it pleases, Lord, I've brought you a small token of my affliction…" Harsh whispers rasped from somewhere behind her. "Er, my affection, that is." She corrected apologetically, bowing out of habit. Inuyasha climbed to his feet and squinted, trying to make out the thing she was holding. It looked sort of like a small pillow, or maybe a pouch…wrapped in a very elaborate ceremonial cloth too. There was something familiar about that sort of bundle… 

"Hey, whaddya think that—" Inuyasha stopped short, startled to see the horrified expression on his brother's face. 

"No." Sesshoumaru whispered in a very small voice. "She didn't…" 

"Sesshoumaru-sama…" the girl whispered reverently. "I humbly ask for you to accept this unworthy one's meager offering." She lifted the bundle and leaned downward. The cloth shifted slightly, as if it were reaching for the boys... 

"RUN FOR IT!" Sesshoumaru squealed, leaping for the back wall of the Moat. He scaled it almost immediately, tearing large holes in the packed dirt where his scrabbling claws found purchase. Inuyasha wasn't far behind. Just knowing that something in the area could frighten his brother made him scared out of his wits. 

"My lord?" Yasuka queried softly, but the boys were already far into the forest and not slowing down. 

"Aw, so the puppies didn't wanna stay for a picnic…" Michiru grinned wolfishly, stepping out of the shadows to join Yasuka. 

"Lady Michiru?" Yasuka asked, small tears blossoming in her eyes. She dropped her package in front of the purple-haired girl and stared upward expectantly. 

"Don't worry about 'em." the older demon advised, stooping down to pick up the bundle of snack cakes. "If they don't wanna any, their loss." 

"But…" Yasuka whimpered, staring at the retreating princes. 

"They'll get over it eventually." Michiru noted. She moved the protective cloth away and snuck a sweet bun out from under the elaborate gift wrap. "They'll stop running from women in a few years, I think." 

Staccato yips pierced the forest, disturbing a flock of crows. 

"…Or when they run into the bramble thicket. Here, have a bean-bun." 

Yasuka was still upset, but she accepted the snack anyway. 

"Sesshoumaru-sama…" she whispered, staring off into the woods. 

  


* * *

  


Meanwhile, Inuyasha had discovered yet another reason his brother's dorky hand-me-downs weren't so bad after all: Sesshoumaru seemed to be having a particularly difficult time negotiating the thorn bushes in his silken court robes, but Inuyasha had no trouble with the coarser wool his pants were made of. 

"Ow ow ow ow ow!!!" Sesshoumaru snarled, melting the thorn bushes in frustration. 

"Why are we running anyways?!" Inuyasha panted, gingerly removing a particularly clingy vine from his hair. "I thought you wanted to make her Un-like you?" 

"But she had a_ baby_ with her!" his brother retorted, disgusted. "S-she could have…" He trailed off and slashed at another bush, trying to block it out. The thought was almost too horrible to complete. 

Inuyasha cleaved another vine with his tiny claws. "A baby? But it sure didn't smell like a—"

"No doubt about it!" Sesshoumaru continued, oblivious. "It's even worse than I thought, she wants to have_ kids_! And maybe even M-A-R-I-A-G-E…" he misspelled. 

Inuyasha thought for a second. When you Married somebody, then you were a Daddy (or a Mommy) and then you had to yell at people just for having a little, innocent fun with a scorpion. Or you had to stay inside at dumb meetings and never do any fun stuff. "Wow…" he breathed, pausing in his assault on the nearest thorn bush. It whipped back and slapped him across the face. 

"Yeah." Sesshoumaru remarked glumly, half-heartedly poking at another plant. 

"Well, what if she Un-likes you?" Inuyasha persisted, flicking a thorny branch toward his sibling. "Wouldn't that fix it?" 

"But if we get too close she'll try to give me that…thing…" the full demon shuddered. "I don't want a puppy!" he whined. "I'm too young to grow up!" 

"So? Make her Un-like you from far away!" Inuyasha replied happily. 

"Oh really?" his brother's voice dripped disdain. "And how the heck am I gonna do that? It's not like I can sit back and tell her I don't Like her…" 

"Why?" 

"Uh, er…because it's probably in the Rules somewhere, or something." Sesshoumaru continued lamely. 

"C'mon, you can't tell me—" Inuyasha protested. 

"AndIdontwannaseeherrightnoweither." Sesshoumaru mumbled quickly, looking away. 

"Oh." Inuyasha whimpered, deflating a bit. He couldn't believe it. His big brother was going to have to be a Daddy, and then they wouldn't ever get to play any more. Maybe he'd even have to baby-sit, which all the castle ladies complained about so much when he was around. 

"Wait…" Sesshoumaru's eyes glittered strangely. "If I get him to help me, then we could—I'VE GOT IT!" he squealed happily. 

"Huh?" Inuyasha asked, bewildered. 

"I think I know how to make Yasuka Un-like me." Sesshoumaru grinned wickedly. "And I know just the person to help us…"   


* * *

  
**Preview for next chapter: **

"Please?" 

"No, m'lord, I cannot." 

"But Jaaaaaken…" 

Jaken sighed, looking over his charges wearily. Two round, honest faces peered up at him expectantly--so of course he was instantly distrustful. Big, shimmering puppy eyes never meant anything good, and two sets of them were even worse. _What on earth is the young master up to?_ the kappa wondered, slightly annoyed. _Especially with that sorry excuse of a hanyou!_

"You know Dad's been telling us to practice!" Sesshoumaru continued in that wheedling tone only a young boy can produce. Jaken gripped his staff harder and fought the impulse to smack the pup with it. 

"I really don't think it's appropriate." he finally stated. And it probably wasn't. The young master might be his social better, but he was three hundred years older and probably wiser. And it just wasn't right to turn kids loose with summoning spells if he didn't have the time (or the energy) to supervise them! 

Besides, what could they possibly want with a couple hundred frog demons?   


* * *

  
**Response to Reviews:**

There were too many to respond to individually, bless your hearts. I love you all!!!!! 


	6. The Frog Prince, in reverse

This fanfic ignores the events of episode 79 of the anime. It was filler anyways. Most notes and review responses can be found at the end of this chapter – thanks for all your support! 

* * *

"Please?" 

"No, m'lord, I cannot." 

"But Jaaaaaken…" 

Jaken sighed, looking over his charges wearily. Two round, honest faces peered up at him expectantly--so of course he was instantly distrustful. Big, shimmering puppy eyes never meant anything good, and two sets of them were even worse. _What on earth is the young master up to?_ the toad wondered, feeling vaguely uneasy._ Especially with that sorry excuse of a hanyou!_

"You know Dad's been telling us to practice!" Sesshoumaru continued in that wheedling tone only a ten year old can produce. Jaken gripped his staff harder and fought the impulse to smack the brat with it. 

"I really don't think it's appropriate." he finally stated. And it probably wasn't. The young master might be his social better, but _he_ was three hundred years older and probably wiser. And it just wasn't right to turn kids loose with summoning spells if he didn't have the time (or the energy) to supervise them! 

Besides, what could they possibly do with a couple hundred frog sprites? 

"I was just gonna teach the hanyou how to do the ol' Roll and Slash attack!" Sesshoumaru offered helpfully, anticipating his guardian's misgivings. 

"But I already know that one—" Inuyasha protested. 

"Shut up!" Sesshoumaru hissed and elbowed his brother hard. "And I could use some practice too, right?" The full demon grinned toothily, letting Jaken see his nice, new, and SHARP adult fangs. The kappa swallowed hard. 

"They'll be no match for you, m'lord…" Jaken whimpered. 

"Then give us lots of 'em!" Inuyasha chimed in, throwing his arms wide. "Lots and lots!" 

Two sets of puppy eyes turned to him. 

"All right, young masters…" Jaken ground out wearily. He was going to hear about this, he just knew it. Still, if it would buy him an hour's peace and quiet… 

"Stand back!" the retainer announced dramatically, straightening his cap and sticking his chest out. "I, Jaken, am about to perform the Ancient and Dangerous Summoning rite of…" 

"Oh bloody hell! Just get on with it!" Sesshoumaru scowled. Inuyasha darted forward and gave the toad a kick for good measure. 

_Ungrateful little whelps…!_ Jaken huffed, reaching deep into his coarse brown sleeves. _They think they're so damn smart… _

"Hiiiiyaaaa!!!" the toad shrieked, whipping the scroll out with a flourish. The air shimmered with energy, sending ribbons of power shooting toward Jaken's fingertips. The ground itself began to vibrate and the summoning scroll flickered in complement, struggling to jump free of the kappa's grasp not unlike a very large and very aggravated toad. Sweat was beading on Jaken's wrinkled green forehead…then, without warning, he released it. The puppies jumped back instinctively, eyes glued on the glowing paper. 

…which fluttered gently to the ground and lay still. Slowly, a line of murky-brown ink crawled up the side of the page and flowered into a strange design. The energy faded. 

"Is it dead yet?" Inuyasha asked cautiously, sniffing the air. 

"Some spell that was!" Sesshoumaru complained. "It didn't even set itself on fire!" 

"Or blow up!" Inuyasha added. "Or turn anybody funny colors!" 

"Hey! I told you not to talk about that!" 

"Kids these days…" Jaken muttered, slightly annoyed. "In my day, people could appreciate _craftmanship_! Look at those runes! Look at that symmetry! Perfect execution, if I do say so myself! " 

"I don't see nothing…" Inuyasha sniffed again. "And it smells like dead fish." 

"Idiot hanyou!" the toad snapped, and picked the paper up by one corner. "BEHOLD!" He flicked the charm once, and the runes writhed under their two-dimensional constraints. There was a rush of warm energy, and a small, red-striped toad appeared at his feet. 

"That's it?" Inuyasha asked. "It's so…lame." 

The sprite did not look amused. 

"EEK!" Inuyasha squealed as a nasty spat of…something…shot out of the creature's mouth and barely missed his foot. "EW! Frog boogers!" the hanyou yelped, ears flat back against his head. Behind him, the grass was sizzling. 

"Whoa…" Sesshoumaru poked the "booger" with a stick. "What is it?" he asked as the stick began melting. 

"Now, young masters…" Jaken began. "You may be worried, but let me assure you that this acid is completely harmless to demons in small doses, although it may sting a little. It will eat at cloth and other natural materials though, so you must take care to—" 

"Yeah yeah!" Sesshoumaru sniffed. "So don't use it the house. Yeah, we know." 

"That wasn't what I was getting at--!" Jaken grumbled, and visibly forced himself to calm down. _They're only puppies…they don't understand how annoying they are…_ "Now, as for your target practice…" the old toad turned toward Inuyasha and gave the puppy a wide-lipped grin. He tapped the scroll against his palm and the frog minion swiveled about dutifully. 

"Hwark." it said menacingly, and spat a short stream of gunk at Inuyasha. 

"Not more boogers!" Inuyasha squealed. He lifted his leg in a panic and hopped backwards away from the sprite, which was advancing on him menacingly. The grass behind him was slowly turning black. 

"Now see here!" Sesshoumaru barked and snatched the scroll from Jaken. "You can't do that!" 

"Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha grinned, eyes shining with hero-worship. His big brother was standing up for him! 

"_I_ wanna hit him!" 

"Hey!" 

"Sic 'em!" Sesshoumaru yelled, pointing at his brother. The sprite blinked. 

Nothing happened. 

"I was talking to YOU, stupid!" Sesshoumaru snapped, squatting down to stare at the toad sprite. Its beady little eyes swiveled around before fixating on a particularly interesting fly. "Dammit! Do something!" the dog demon growled, nudging the frog with his foot. 

"HWARK!" the frog squawked indignantly, and spat slime at Sesshoumaru's toes. Its pink tongue flicked out and plucked a mosquito out of the air. 

"Oi, Jaken…" Sesshoumaru growled, lifting the little retainer up by his collar. "What's wrong with it?" 

"N-n-nothing, my lord!" Jaken whimpered, struggling his way out of the puppy's grasp. "It's just that one needs the proper concentration to control them. Here, watch." he instructed, laying one scaly hand over Sesshoumaru's delicate fingers. 

"See? You direct it with your _ki_." Jaken instructed, feeding a bit of energy into the spell. The frog began moving in lazy circles. 

"No, I want it to go this way!" the puppy growled, tugging at the scroll. The frog sprite darted right. "Faster! No, slower!" Sesshoumaru ordered, sending a long stream of energy into the spell. "Do a backflip!" 

"My lord…" Jaken warned. "You have to do it slower, the construct can't take too much magic at once!" Unfortunately, his pleas fell on predictably deaf ears. 

"Right! No, left! Attack Jaken—no, Inuyasha! Yeah, sic 'em—" 

The frog stopped mid-hop and hiccuped, vibrating intensely. "Hwark!" it coughed loudly. 

"Uh-oh…" Jaken yelped. "Young master, drop that right—" 

"Attack!" Sesshoumaru shouted gleefully, pointing at Inuyasha. The scroll sung with energy, and the frog rotated in place. 

"No!!" Jaken screeched, just before the minion landed. It exploded right in front of Inuyasha's bare foot, showering the ground with ropes of twisting black miasma. The grass instantly turned black, withering under thick gobs of bubbling acid. Inuyasha squealed and leaped backwards, trying to avoid the spattering substance. Slowly, he turned his gaze to meet Sesshoumaru's, searching for some kind of reassurance. Eventually, the older boy nodded. 

"Cool!" the puppies breathed as one. 

"A-as you can see," Jaken began shakily. "The basic poison frog sprite has some, er, design flaws that cause it to dissipate if too much energy is applied to the controlling spell." 

"Yeah, gotcha." Sesshoumaru pulled the scroll from Jaken's grasp and waved it around in exaggerated circles as he pressed energy into it. The paper shuddered visibly, and several more frog sprites plopped down onto the grass. They were larger than the one Jaken had created, and their yellow eyes sat directly in front of tiny, curly horns. 

"Attack!" Sesshoumaru cried, feeding them energy, and the frog-beasts began haphazardly launching acid at each other, bounding around the lawn. 

"Young master..." Jaken began. 

"You! Dissipate!" Sesshoumaru commanded the nearest sprite, willing it be so with a burst of energy. The minion exploded dutifully, showering the others with acid. When the toads moved next, many of them left legs behind. 

"AWESOME!" Inuyasha cried. "I wanna try!!!" 

"Sure! C'mon, go for the fat one!" 

And so the boys spent the next several minutes playing nicely for once, taking turns blowing up frogs in a perfect example of brotherly bonding. Jaken found it all very heart-warming, save for their increasing proximity to his master's favorite garden. If they kept wandering in that direction, they'd be right in the middle of the rose beds… 

"M'lord!" he called urgently. Unfortunately, Sesshoumaru had contracted that temporary deafness so common to children and summoned twelve more spell-beasts instead. They immediately began tearing each other apart in a nearby stand of daffodils. "M'lord!" the retainer screeched, trying to shoo the beasts away from the delicate flowers. The nearest one belched at him by accident, singeing the bottom of his robes. "Hrawk?" it asked, puzzled. 

"This rules! Hey, you think we get double points for melting trees?" 

"WHAT!?" Jaken screeched. "What are you two trying to pull!?" The puppies ignored him. 

"Hrawk!" The frog at his feet replied dutifully. Jaken kicked it. 

"Young masters…" Jaken tried. A yew bush went under, caught in the cross-fire between a dozen leaping minions. The scroll roiled in Sesshoumaru's grasp, thrashing as if it were caught in a high wind. 

"Ah, er..HEY! Y-you don't want to waste them, do you?" Jaken tried desperately. 

"Huh?" Inuyasha asked. Sesshoumaru paused mid-summon, suddenly interested. Half a toad landed heavily behind them, right in the middle of a lilac bush. The flowers crackled and turned black, giving off a nasty burnt-hair smell. 

"Regrettably, the spell has its limits." Jaken admitted, secretly thinking that wasn't such a regrettable fact at all. "It may well run out before you get your practice in, if you keep carrying on like this!" 

"…oh." the boys sighed. Sesshoumaru waved his hand dismissively and told their current minions to dissipate. They did so immediately, with a loud and satisfactory squelching noise. A few more bushes melted. 

"Now, remember, you should start with just a few minions—_little_ ones. Controlling a full-sized frog sprite is a difficult undertaking, which can easily get out of hand…" Jaken turned around and sweat dropped. The puppies were already far in the distance, yapping excitedly about something. 

"At least they're out of the gardens…" the retainer sighed, crossing his arms. They'd figure it out, sooner or later, and at least he didn't have to worry about them for a few hours. After all, how much trouble could they possibly get into? 

_Don't answer that!_ he told himself firmly, and scurried off to see about repairing the garden before his master came outside for a walk. 

* * *

"Sweet!" Inuyasha exclaimed, jogging alongside his older brother. "These things are awesome!" 

"I told you he'd do it!" Sesshoumaru replied haughtily. "I am his master, after all." 

"No, you're not!" Inuyasha huffed. "Dad is!" 

"Well, I will be, someday! That counts!" Sesshoumaru retorted. Actually, he wasn't sure if that did or not, considering his mother would probably have some Words about that—she didn't like him hanging around Jaken very much. Somewhere in the back of his head, he realized it was probably for reasons just like the one in his hand right now… 

The _power_. Sesshoumaru smirked, turning the scroll over and over in his hands. Oh, the raw power of it all…he could feel it throbbing along the sheet, cold as iced lightning--revenge just waiting to happen. And he would have it…oh yes, he would indeed. 

"So how we gonna do this?" Inuyasha asked, and Sesshoumaru found himself faintly annoyed. He hadn't thought the whole thing through exactly, but that didn't mean it wouldn't work—right? 

"Well…" Sesshoumaru began, trying to gather his thoughts. "These are frog sprites, right?" 

"Yeah." Inuyasha replied cautiously, giving his brother a dubious "are you sure you know which side of the tree you're barking up?" look. 

"And girls are scared of frogs, right?" 

"They are?" 

"Sure they are!" Sesshoumaru waved one hand dismissively. "It's like bugs an' spiders and stuff. All girls are scared of 'em!" 

Inuyasha nodded. Bugs an' spiders were pretty scary, after all – he'd almost been eaten by the centipede in the cellar last year, until Dad had come and gotten rid of it. (They'd made its legs into play swords.) He still didn't see what made a bunch of toads so scary though, and said so. 

Sesshoumaru looked annoyed. 

"C'mon!" the full demon snapped. "What's not to hate? Girls like ribbons, and dolls—and—" he paused, trying desperately to think of anything he really knew about girls. "—and, oh, I don't know, butterflies and stuff." 

"Like 'fluffy widdle puppies'?" Inuyasha smirked, earning him a fierce nip. "Ow! Hey! Dad said no biting!" 

"That was in the house! We're not in the house anymore!" Sesshoumaru huffed, wiping his mouth. "Anyways, girls like cutesy stuff – and toads are real ugly." 

"Well, girls _do_ run away from Jaken..." the hanyou offered slowly. He fought the impulse to cover his ears at the memory. The puppy wasn't sure exactly what Jaken had done, but he knew it involved approaching one of the young ladies with a bunch of flowers. "And some of 'em scream a lot!" he added enthusiastically. "That's what we want, isn't it?" _But I still dunno if it was Jaken…could of been the flowers. She sure dropped 'em fast. _

"Exactly! So all we have to do is make these frogs attack Yasuka!" Sesshoumaru announced triumphantly. It really did seem like a fool-proof plan, although he didn't know how they were going to pull it off; they couldn't go back in the woman's quarters after their last fiasco, and he had the distinct feeling that the frogs didn't do so well on their own. The stupid things had jumped straight through their own poison while fighting, for godssake---and although that was certainly cool, it was definitely not reconnaissance material. He'd just have to find a way to lure the girls out and sic the frogs on them while sitting in a tree or something… 

"Ouch!" he yelped as he walked smack into his brother. "What'd you stop for?" he growled, wondering when Inuyasha had pulled ahead of him. 

"Check the wind!" Inuyasha barked, sniffing carefully. Sesshoumaru complied, inhaling delicately. Floral smells--many of them--and the personal scents of the girls they'd tangled with earlier…and the unmistakable stench of his nemesis, Yasuka. _So they're out picking flowers…_ If he had a tail in his human form, the demon would be wagging like there was no tomorrow. What better way to scare a pack of girls than a few toads in their bonnets? 

"Let's move!" Sesshoumaru yapped gleefully, and Inuyasha nodded, his mind made up. 

_So if they're out picking flowers…must have been Jaken after all. _

* * *

"What do you see?" Sesshoumaru whispered down to his brother. 

"They're just…sitting there." Inuyasha replied blankly from his vantage point. 

"And? How many? What's their offensive?" 

"There's…six, seven of 'em. I think they're making flower chains." the hanyou counted, squinting at the top of the hill. "What's an 'offensive'?" 

"Oh, for godssake!" Sesshoumaru groaned. The tree rustled, and the full demon dropped gracefully to the ground. "Never send a hanyou to do a youkai's job!" he snorted. 

Some distance away, Michiru lifted her head and squinted at the tree line. 

"Oh shit!" Sesshoumaru hissed. "Get down!" 

"Huh?" Inuyasha began. "I—mmmph!" Sesshoumaru's hand snaked up and yanked him to the ground. 

Michiru continued staring directly at the bushes they were hiding in. After a few heart-stopping moments, she shrugged and turned away. 

"That was close." Sesshoumaru pronounced. "I don't think they saw us. So, now, that we've verified the Target…" He took a moment to page through his copy of the Art of War. "We move in fast and Slit Their Throats—er, flower baskets!" 

He began crawling toward the edge of the tree line. 

"Wait, you idiot!" Inuyasha dug his claws into his half-brother's arm. "They're gonna SEE us!" 

"No, they aren't!" Sesshoumaru snorted, peering up at the flower hill. "We're camel-flaw-jed." he attempted. "That means that they can't tell we're here, 'cause we blend right in." 

"Yeah, yeah." Inuyasha sighed and pushed a prickly leaf away from his sensitive ears. They were supposed to look like trees, but somehow he failed to see the resemblance. He was covered in mud and leaves, right down to his toes, and he absolutely hated the branches threaded through his silky hair. It made him feel nasty all over. And Sesshoumaru – Inuyasha hoped they didn't have to go back inside for a loooong time, because they were going to _hear_ about his brother's uniform. To his credit, Sesshoumaru had had enough sense to take off his fancy outer layers, but that didn't make up for the ruin of his under-robe. It looked like rabid wolverines had been at it. 

"Well? Whaddya waitin' for?" Sesshoumaru hissed. "Get moving!" 

"Okay…" Inuyasha whimpered, and pressed himself as flat as he could against the ground. The tall grass poked into his nose, and he tried to suppress a whimper. 

They crept forward silently, as fast as they dared, dragging themselves by their elbows just like the Art of War told them to. Well, almost. It was kind of hard to actually move using only your elbows, so Inuyasha was cheating a little bit. Well, a lot. He was actually up on his hands and knees crawling, but that shouldn't really matter since they were camel-flaw-jed, right? Besides, the pup noted with a scowl, it wasn't like Sesshoumaru was doing any better. They were nearing the crest of the hill when Sesshoumaru abruptly stopped, and dropped completely flat against the grass. 

"Get down!" Sesshoumaru whispered, and thrashed one arm in Inuyasha's direction. His other hand flared out, summoning charm in hand. 

"It's showtime…" the full demon whispered, and his fangs glistened when he smiled. 

"Oh my, Naoshi!" Michiru called softly from somewhere above them. "You should see what odd weeds we have in this garden!" 

"Oh, those little things…" her companion replied. "Funny how they just keep creeping up on us." 

"I have half a mind to uproot them, myself!" Michiru laughed, kneeling in front of a pale white wildflower. 

"I-I don't think they're so bad." Yasuka murmured softly. She reached down, then blinked slowly as the basket in her arms wriggled and moved. 

"Kyaaaaa!" 

* * *

"Oh man, this is awesome!" Inuyasha howled. Sesshoumaru had produced a pouch of stuffed rice, and they were both sitting back watching the spectacle—the girls were running helter-skelter, meeting boulder-sized toads in every direction. Michiru had initially attempted to make a stand against them, but totally lost her composure when Sesshoumaru had exploded a frog directly against her fancy dress. She was now holding the remains of her robe around her tightly and screaming profanities in every direction. A very impressed Inuyasha was attempting to take notes. 

Yasuka streaked by in front of them, completely disheveled. Her elegant court robes were coming undone, and her long bow streamed out behind her like a paper dragon's tail. _If she keeps running that fast, she'll jump right outta her clothes!_ Inuyasha thought. The picture was so funny that he laughed until he snorted a chunk of rice ball up his nose. 

Sesshoumaru was enjoying the spectacle too, though he seemed a little preoccupied. Little beads of sweat had broken out on his forehead, and he was struggling to hang on to the summoning scroll. His eyes were darting back and forth between his frog servants wildly, and he was starting to pant. 

"Hey, you okay?" Inuyasha asked, poking his brother in the side for good measure. 

"What?" Sesshoumaru turned his head briefly, and one of the large frogs swerved mid-hop and almost slammed into Inuyasha. "Yeah, I'm okay." 

"Yeeeaaugh! Sorry I asked!" the hanyou yelped, side-stepping the confused minion. It was a big sprite, nearly two feet at the shoulder, and it had three spiky horns sticking out of its back. 

"Hwark?" it asked, reaching out with a two-inch thick tongue to snatch the hanyou's rice ball. 

"Hey! That was mine!!" Inuyasha screamed, and thumped his fists against Three-Horn's broad mouth. It narrowed its red eyes, then lashed out and flipped its tongue around his wrist. 

"Help!!!" the alarmed hanyou squealed. "Lemme go!!" Three-Horn pulled harder. 

"Aw, for cryin' out loud…" Sesshoumaru sighed. "Hang on, I'll get it to let go." 

Sadly, in the meantime, their quarry managed to slip away, as the sprites began losing their focus. Some of them even began chasing each other, having forgotten who exactly their quarry was supposed to be. The girls escaped quickly, some even scrambling on all fours to get away from the menace. 

"Your father's hearing about this!" Michiru yelled from the base of the hill, holding the ruins of her court robes around her hips. Inuyasha could barely believe it, but it looked like she was ready to _cry_, even. 

"So?" Sesshoumaru called back, grinning wolfishly. "Whaddya gonna do about it? I'm the _prince_, lady! And I sez you gotta go home and LEAVE US ALONE!" 

Michiru made a strangled sobbing noise, and lashed her ruined robes even tighter around her chest. Then, with eyes blazing, she turned her nose up and raised her voice to the wind. 

"Alright, ladies, you heard our almighty prince. We shall retreat to the Women's Quarters, and I shall see to it _personally_ that none of the women go anywhere _near_ His Most Graceous Lordship for THE REST OF HIS NATURAL LIFE!" 

She stormed off importantly with the remains of her party in tow, as if she'd somehow _won_ the argument. The brothers waited a moment, then said it as one: 

"Yesssss!!!!" 

They flopped backwards onto the green, content to be kings of the hill together for just a little while. They had fought, and they had won! Inuyasha couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so good. He didn't even mind the grass in his nose now, though he did have the strong urge to sneeze. 

"So, now what?" the hanyou wondered after a few minutes. 

"Hrmmm?" Sesshoumaru drolled. 

"What does Sun Tzu say you do after you win the battle?" 

"Uhh, I dunno. I think you're supposed to party and stuff. With drinks and dancing girls and all." 

"Oh." Inuyasha said, and scratched a rock out of his hair. "But how are we supposed to find dancing girls since we just got all of 'em mad?" 

"That's not the point, doofus! It's _symbolic_," Sesshoumaru pronounced. "I bet it's okay if we substitute." 

"Hrm." Inuyasha replied. He briefly picture Jaken substituting as a dancing girl, then hurridly decided he had better things to picture. Like Yasuka, running from the frogs. Now THAT was quality entertainment. 

"Hwark!" a sprite coughed from somewhere behind them, and a stream of acid came raining down on them. Inuyasha squealed and slapped at his legs as the sharp sting of toxics ate through his clothing. 

"Hey!" Sesshoumaru yelped, and jumped to his feet. His skin was rosy where the acid had hit it, though his healing powers were already at work repairing the damage. "Cut that out!" 

A large red sprite was staring at them balefully, and acid dribbled out of the side of its mouth. It made a low burbling sound at the back of its throat, then launched another attack. 

"What the--? No, stop!" Sesshoumaru growled, focusing some energy into the controlling spell. It seemed to have little effect, though a few other toads turned around and faced away from the boys. "Dammit, which one is it--ow!" he yelped as another burst of acid showered his toes. "What's it doing?!" 

"Maybe it's still tryin' to chase the girls." Inuyasha said, earning a withering glare from his brother. 

"_Excuse_ me?!" 

"You've got long hair. I think it wants to chase you." Inuyasha observed sagely. 

"What the--? Okay, idiot. Now, it's time for you to go bye-bye." Sesshoumaru smirked, raising the charm. "_Nobody_ calls me a girl and gets away with it!" 

Unfortunately, the red frog didn't seem to agree. 

"Hwark!" The frog croaked disapprovingly and lashed its tongue at the puppy, smacking his wrist hard. The paper flew from his hand and floated into the midst of the toads, and disappeared from view. 

"Hey!" Sesshoumaru yowled, rubbing his hand. "Give that back, you worthless piece of—" 

"Hwark!" Big Red interrupted, and narrowed its eyes. 

"What, you're getting fresh with me?!" Sesshoumaru snapped, staring it straight in the eye. "I said, give it back!" 

"...hwwwarrk?" 

Neither puppy needed a translator to recognize "Oh yeah? Who's gonna make me?" 

"Inuyasha…" Sesshoumaru said, taking a step back toward his brother. "Make him give it back." 

"I can't!" the hanyou whimpered, slowly coming to the same conclusion his brother had. "Without the charm-thing we can't do much of anything and…uh-oh" 

A hundred beady eyes fixed on them, and Sesshoumaru swallowed hard. 

"Hwark!" Big Red called out, and squelched one fat forefoot into the ground. 

"Hwark." Another echoed. 

"Sesshoumaru…" Inuyasha caught his brother's eye. 

"Yeah?" 

"What do we do now?" 

Sesshoumaru didn't need the Art of War to tell him the answer. 

"We run." 

* * *

Inside the eastern apartments, Inutaishou was still attempting to make his books balance, although it was getting increasingly difficult as the day grew brighter. It was so difficult to be a dog inside, he mused, when the day practically begged for him to grab it by the throat and shake it. 

"Such a nice day…" he murmured, sipping his tea. Birds singing, leaves rustling, sun shining brightly…so much pleasantness, and right outside his study too! If he only had the time, he might be tempted to go outside and compose a verse on the beauty of it all. But there were books to be balanced, and after that whole fiasco with his wife and main consort… 

"Pity." he murmured, and tried his hardest to focus on the accounting. 

Two puppies sprinted past his open window, screaming as loud as their winded lungs would allow. 

Inutaishou bit into a tea cake. 

An endless stream of frog sprites poured after them, spitting acid. 

"Hrn. Looks like the boys are having fun." the Western lord said absently, dipping his brush in his tea and taking a big sip of ink. 

* * *

The frogs thundered after the puppies in an endless stream, making heavy thudding noises that sounded like one of the "elephants" from Dad's bedtime stories. 

"How we gonna stop 'em!?" Inuyasha shrieked. 

"Keep running before they stop US!" Sesshoumaru replied, vaulting over a hedge. 

"Hey, I know! Over here!" Inuyasha squealed, diving through the rose bushes. Sesshoumaru followed suit. 

"Get in the water!" Inuyasha yelled, pulling his brother toward the ornamental carp pond. 

"What the--they can swim, you idiot!" Sesshoumaru snarled. "That's bees you duck underwater for!" 

"Oh, yeah." 

"Dammit, now we're trapped!" Sesshoumaru whimpered. 

Neither spoke as the toads thundered forward. 

"Sesshoumaru?" 

"Hrn?" 

"I'm sorry I called you Fluffy." 

"Inuyasha?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm sorry I filled your pillow with mud." 

"What?! You did that!?" 

"Oops." 

The leader of the frogs hopped forward, the big red one they seen before. "Hwaaaark?" it asked them, opening its wide mouth menacingly. The others rustled in the background making a variety of noises, but none of them sounded good. 

_This is it._ thought Inuyasha despairingly. _Here I am, Dead in my Prime, all because of a stupid bunch of girls...well, because we were getting revenge on a stupid bunch of girls and did some stupid stuff, but..._ If there was a moral in there, it was beyond him. He was too busy watching the slow advance of Big Red, and his second-in-command Three-Horn... 

...who was currently wearing a very strange, white hat on his head. Inuyasha squinted, curiosity momentarily overcoming terror. No, it wasn't a hat, it was more like a paper, caught between the thick, stubby horns... 

"Look!" Inuyasha squealed joyously, and Sesshoumaru stopped wailing. 

Both puppies scrabbled for the charm and threw everything they had into it, ignoring Three-Horn's acidic protest. "D-DISSAPATE!" Sesshoumaru screeched, shutting his eyes. 

For a moment, nothing happened. Glittering eyes surrounded them, and Big Red loomed large and disapproving. He opened his mouth again... 

Then, somewhere in the back, something coughed. 

The puppies hit the water just in time. 

* * *

"Oh, to hell with it!" Inutaishou groused, slamming his brush down on the tabletop. It was high time for a break, the demon lord decided. The Western Lands could run themselves for a while, and HE would go out for a walk in them. Starting with his rose garden. 

Fetching a fresh cup of tea from a serving girl, he slid the screens aside and stepped out into the sunlight. 

Instead of flowers, a horrible wreck spread out in every direction. The landscape was decimated as if some ugly giant had fallen from the sky and smashed his guts out, then left them lying on his formerly green garden. Where roses should be there was nothing but ruin, and black lumps of nasty smelling stuff that should have been bushes. 

A frog leg fell from the remains of a tree and landed in his tea cup. 

His eyes narrowed. 

"JAKEN!!!!!" 

* * *

Thank you all for the wonderful, wonderful reviews--they're what made me want to go back and finish this sucker, now that I'm back into writing. There were too many reviews to respond to individually, bless you all, but I can definitely promise the last chapter is coming. And for those of you who have taken poor Yasuka's side...well, you won't be disappointed ^_~   
  



	7. Cooties, reprised

A/N: Hooray! After nearly a year and a half this fic is *finally* finished ^_^ I'd originally planned to end it in another way, but the joke is wearing thing and I fear it's time to wrap things up. Will Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru achieve final victory over their dreaded enemy? Will they ever live the whole thing down? Read on, and find out. 

* * *

Inuyasha whimpered and buried his claws in the soil, trying to ignore the ache in his arms and just concentrate on digging. He'd spent a lot of time thinking about going to Hell in the past (who wouldn't, with Sesshoumaru as a brother?), but he'd _never_ dreamed he would see it so soon. His mother had yelled at him. His father had yelled at him. The court women had yelled at him, Jaken had yelled at him, and then his mother had come back and yelled some more. Heck, even Sesshoumaru had yelled at him, which was interesting because he seemed to recall that his brother was the one who'd started the whole mess in the first place. And to top it all off, they were being forced to reconstruct the garden from scratch, and worst of all, _listen to Jaken_. He didn't see how things could possibly get any worse. 

"Here, brat!" Jaken shrilled, stepping out of the garden house with a large bucket. "Take this seed grass and spread it over there! I want _all_ that land planted by nightfall, or no dinner for a _week_!" 

Okay, now it was worse. 

"This is all _your_ fault, you know." He growled, turning to his sibling. Sesshoumaru was busy tearing out the charred remains of his father's rose bushes. 

"Oh, shut up." the full demon replied sulkily. He was moving slowly, as if his legs had turned wooden, and it didn't look like his arm was working too well. _Dad musta gotten harsh with the biting._ Inuyasha thought, and thanked the gods for small favors. At least he was still too little to Stand Up and Take it Like a Demon, which was parent-speak for "come here so I can bite you." For once, Inuyasha didn't mind being the younger brother. 

"Well, at least we won…right?" Inuyasha added somewhat more charitably, noticing the unusually dour expression on his brother's face. It was kinda disturbing to see his brother so lackluster, especially since they'd just got punished. Usually, Sesshoumaru was fuming at the injustice of it all, and plotting double-time to find a way out of their duty. 

"She really hates me, doesn't she." 

"Huh?" Inuyasha dropped the bucket of grass seed, momentarily distracted. "What's that supposta mean?" 

"Yasuka really hates me, doesn't she." Sesshoumaru continued, rocking back on his heels. He looked…upset, for some reason, and that upset Inuyasha even more than his previously quiet manner. 

"That's what you wanted." the hanyou reminded as he reached for a fistful of seeds. 

"Yeah, but…" Sesshoumaru's eyes grew distant. Yasuka had come up to them in the middle of their initial Punishment, pink hair disheveled, and given them a Look worthy of even Sesshoumaru's mother. They'd tried to avoid her, but she darted right AROUND the pole they were hiding behind and grabbed Sesshoumaru full on the ear. Then she'd lifted herself up to her full height, pink eyes flashing, and belted: 

"HONORLESS COWARD! I HATE you!! I hope you drop dead! And you can KEEP your stinkin' flowers!!!!" 

Inuyasha could STILL hear her scream ringing inside his skull. 

"You're still mad about _that_?" the hanyou asked skeptically. 

"Well…" Sesshoumaru paused, then tore at some branches furiously. "I wanted her to go _away_, right? But I didn't want her to _hate_ me." 

Inuyasha gave him a Look. 

"…okay, well, not hate me enough to be mad at me, just hate me enough to leave us alone." 

Inuyasha blinked. "I don't get it." 

"I just…" Sesshoumaru scrubbed one hand through his silvery hair, making it even muddier than it already was. "She called me a _coward_." He scowled, and a glimmer of his former confidence flickered to life. "_Nobody_ calls me a coward." 

"Yeah!" Inuyasha squeaked, happy to see his big brother back in action. "She told you to drop dead too!" 

"Yeah…" Sesshoumaru murmured, and suddenly he was quieter again. "Do you think maybe we pushed things too far?" 

"Too far?" The concept was foreign to Inuyasha. 

"…never mind." The full demon said softly, and went back to his task. 

"Grrr!" Inuyasha huffed, and turned back to spreading seeds. Sesshoumaru being melancholy was almost as bad as Sesshoumaru pissed off. Neither state was easy to live with, and both of them were as likely to bite you as answer your questions. He heaved a heavy sigh. Honestly, sometimes he thought perhaps _he_ should take over the leadership of their little pack. 

_I coulda been the big brother!_ Inuyasha thought grumpily. _ I just wasn't born first._

A glimmer of pink flashed at the edge of his vision, and he nudged his brother hard. 

"Hey, there she goes." he observed, pointing across the complex to the women's quarters. An unmistakable mop of pink hair bobbed in the entranceway, and Yasuka made as if to step inside. 

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed. 

"She called me a coward." he said, and a branch snapped beneath his fist. "She said I have no honor." 

_Uh-oh…_ Inuyasha thought, grappling about for anything he could use to restrain his partner-in-crime. Revenge was the _last_ thing they needed right now, since Jaken was hell-bent on getting the garden replanted before nightfall and Dad was impatient. 

"Aw, c'mon…" he whined, as Sesshoumaru leapt to his feet, demon eyes blazing red. "I don' wanna get in trouble again." 

"I'll show HER who has courage!" the full demon panted, balling his hands into tight fists. "SHE thinks she's won! SHE thinks she's stronger than me!" 

He began stomping toward the concubine's veranda dutifully, despite the Inuyasha-shaped dead-weight hanging onto his leg. 

"No no no no no!" the hanyou growled, digging his teeth and claws in as hard as he could. "You're not going! I'M TELLING!" 

Sesshoumaru stopped dead, and glared at his brother. Inuyasha smirked. This would be good for a few minutes of fighting, at least, and then afterwards Sesshoumaru could be properly pissed off and life would be _normal_ again. Sesshoumaru raised his fist— 

--and then dropped it, choosing to ignore Inuyasha entirely. 

"Fine. Go and tell." the full demon announced, and continued hobbling toward the courtyard. 

"…what?" 

"I've thought about it for a long time, and there's only one way out of this." Sesshoumaru took a deep breath. "We lost face today." 

"But we won the battle!" Inuyasha protested doggedly. 

"And we lost the _WAR_! We were shamed before _everyone_!!!" Sesshoumaru yelped, showing the bruise mark where Michiru had kicked him. "They made us grovel before them like common _cats_! But we can't kill ourselves, 'cuz Dad says we're too young to have swords and Mom would be pissed. The only way to regain our Honor as Warriors is to die in battle!" 

Inuyasha nodded. He'd figured it would be something like that. 

"I have decided…" Sesshoumaru said after a pregnant pause. "To enter the Heart of the Enemy and…_apologize_." 

"_No_!" Inuyasha breathed. _Apologize…_ It was worst of fates for any puppy, the most horrible punishment the hells could have concocted, and he simply couldn't believe his brother had suggested such a thing! "You're not _serious_!" he cried, praying with all his heart that it was true. 

"Quite." Sesshoumaru's gaze turned steely, and it was clear in his eyes that he wasn't kidding this time. Inuyasha whimpered, then understood what he must do. 

In the flash of an eye, he released his brother's leg and scrambled to his feet. "Then I'm coming with you!" he announced in that time-honored tradition of little brothers everywhere. It was his Sacred and Solemn duty to tag along, after all. "I wanna go out fighting too!" he whined. 

"No!" Sesshoumaru snapped. "This was MY idea! You go throw yourself off a cliff or something!" 

"No, me too, me too! I wanna fight too!" 

"NO!" Sesshoumaru snarled, and his voice was Authority itself, echoing impressively in the distance. "I will not have you involved in this. You will stand guard, and bear witness to this Tragedy, as Blind Kanae saw to the sacrifice of Takuto the Underdog in the Stolen Pudding Incident." Sesshoumaru wiped away a tear. "Poor man took the punishment of ten puppies to save his men from cleaning the kitchen." 

"But—" 

"No but's!" his brother ordered, and Inuyasha felt his neck hairs stand on end. Sesshoumaru really didn't know how much like his mother he sounded when he reprimanded people. 

"…okay." the hanyou acquiesced finally, and stuck out his tongue. 

"Then follow." Sesshoumaru said simply, and began striding toward the women's quarters, his straight-legged gait full of purpose. Inuyasha hummed a funeral dirge along behind him, ears drooped down to half-mast. His brother was really, truly going to _apologize_… 

His spirits hadn't been THIS low since Jaken had figured how who kept setting his staff on fire. 

"We're here!" Sesshoumaru said abruptly, and Inuyasha looked up to see that it was true. The heady scent of incense beckoned to them, the shadowy shapes of women moving languidly behind the screens. 

"Sesshoumaru…" Inuyasha said sadly, a thousand things still unspoken between them. He wanted to _say_ something, but the words just wouldn't come. There was so much he had yet to ask his brother…so much they had shared…he simply didn't know what to do. 

_What do I say to him?_ Inuyasha wondered frantically. _'Thanks for not beating me up more than once a day?' 'I'll always remember that homicidal sparkle in your eye?' 'So long, and thanks for all the rug burns?'_

"Well, I'm going in." Sesshoumaru said, and began climbing the porch stairs slowly—oblivious to his brother's conflict. He crossed the veranda slowly, and slowed to a crawl as he approached the door. He slid it open reverently, then turned to face his brother one last time, the Drama of it all written across his face. 

"Wish me luck." the full demon said, and stepped across the threshold… 

Inuyasha finally found his voice. 

"Hey, wait!" he cried, and Sesshoumaru paused. "If Kanae was blind, how did she 'see' anything? And how exactly am I s'posta witness anything, I don't know what a 'witness' does! And what was the Pudding Incident, I--" 

"Oh, just _shaddup_, will ya?!" Sesshoumaru growled from the shadowy doorway, and then he was gone. 

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~ 

Inuyasha waited outside the women's quarters and tapped his foot impatiently. He wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed, but he knew that it had been _forever_ since he'd last seen his brother. He was getting tired of waiting, and Jaken probably was too. Finally, he decided he could take it no more. Figuring that he was already in as much trouble as a puppy can possibly be, he decided to take his chances and sneak into the concubines' chambers. 

He slid back the door to the Women's Quarter carefully and slunk around the bamboo frame, eyes and ears searching for the slightest sign of danger. Strangely enough, there didn't seem to be hardly anyone around in the main corridors…normally, the place would be _crawling_ with girls. For all of them to suddenly vanish…he wasn't sure if it was a good thing. 

_Sesshoumaru…_

He could hear giggling off to the right, and slunk toward it. There were a LOT of demons in the next room, that was for sure…an overpowering mixture of cloying perfumes and personal scents. And…voices, yes, he could hear voices now—someone was talking loudly above all the background chatter. 

_Sesshoumaru!_ Inuyasha gasped. He was close enough now to tell that Sesshoumaru was the only one talking, as if he were somehow the absolute center of attention. Inuyasha's heart swelled with pride, and he nearly howled out loud. Why, his big brother must have found some way to deal with the girls after all…it certainly didn't sound like he was groveling. If the hanyou's grin were any larger, his cheeks would have torn open. Like as not, Big Brother had gone in there and kicked ALL of their sorry tails, and right now he was delivering his patented "King of the Hill" speech… Inuyasha slid the screen open happily, more than ready to join the festivities. 

His jaw dropped. 

Instead of the carnage he had been expecting, the room was completely intact and absolutely FILLED with women—tittering, giggling girls arranged in a rough circle around… 

"Sesshoumaru?!" Inuyasha asked incredulously. His brother didn't seem to look angry or dead at all…on the contrary, he seemed to be relishing the attention, and he was at least half-way through telling yet another rendition of "How I Vanquished the Vicious and Cunning Red Wolf (who was actually a harmless, cross-eyed Irish Setter, but hey, who's counting)". 

"—so like I was saying, then I told HIM that if he didn't get outta my territory I'd kick his sorry…I-Inuyasha!?" Sesshoumaru yelped, his entire _body_ going red with embarrassment. A few of the ladies giggled as the young prince looked down at his brother, trying like hell to hide bouquet of flowers he was holding. 

Inuyasha blinked again, trying to get the strange image to process. Whereas Sesshoumaru had previously been dirty, stinky, and dressed in a ripped up play robe (a very respectable appearance for a young puppy), he was _now_ swathed in the most expensive, intricately embroidered clothing imaginable. Even worse, his muddy hair had been cleaned and—goodness no!—even _combed_. But most tragic of all, that foul ear molestor Yasuka was sitting right next to him—and threading beautiful ribbons throughout his long hair. And what _was_ that weird color on his eyelids?! Was that… 

"Makeup!?" Inuyasha squeaked. Oh horror of horrors… 

Yasuka giggled, her claws still buried in Sesshoumaru's long hair. 

"Doesn't he look _precious_!?" she exclaimed. "Michiru-san does the _best_ make-overs!" 

"No, it's not what you think!" Sesshoumaru protested violently, rubbing at his eyelids. "I, uh--death to the girls and all that—I mean, it's not like I _agreed_ to this or anything…I swear…" he ducked his head sheepishly. 

"Oh, don't be silly. You don't have to be embarrassed about it…I think you look _great_!" Yasuka smiled happily. "Come here, you…" She leaned forward, pink eyes shining, and kissed him right full on the cheek. 

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened. 

"Whoa…" he grinned stupidly, and his eyes took on that glazy, awed quality that was normally reserved for Really Cool Swords. 

"No…wait, I mean, uh—I'm gonna bite you, you little…" Yasuka giggled and dodged his attack easily, reaching one hand out to scratch behind his right ear. 

"I outta---uhhh…" Sesshoumaru tipped over cross-eyed, and the women laughed again, thoroughly enjoying the show. Slowly, ever so slowly, his left leg began to twitch…. 

…and starting thumping against the floor in an expression of doggy happiness. 

Inuyasha fell to the ground, howling with laughter, no longer hearing his brother's feeble protests. No matter how Sesshoumaru tried to deny it, Inuyasha knew the truth. _He_ had triumphed. He had succeeded, where his big brother had not. 

He had escaped, and his big brother had the _cooties_. 

* * *

Thanks for reading, everyone! I couldn't have done it without you. ^_^ 

Please review! 


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